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A True Story of Victim Who Survived a Car Accident Without Buckling Up

September 9, 2016 By Abel Cheng

fasten your seatbelt
Photo Credit: Martin Abegglen

My close friend told me a story of how her friend survived a car crash and came out alive telling people how it’s so very important to fasten your seatbelt every time you’re traveling in a car, no matter how short the distance is.

My friend’s friend (On her request, I will just call her Elaine to protect her privacy) was in her 20’s when the accident, that changed her life forever, happened a few years ago. She went through hell trying to pick herself up again (metaphorically and literally) in the first 6 months after the crash.

Elaine is kind enough to let me publish her story here.

What you are about to read might sound scary but that’s not my intention to scare you from traveling in cars but to let you know the danger of not buckling up. I hope Elaine’s first hand story will change the way you look at seatbelts and help to create and spread the awareness of the importance of fastening the seatbelts to your friends and family, especially the younger ones under your care.

Before we proceed, one thing you need to know is Elaine and her friend in the back seat did not fasten the seatbelts. Driver and the front passenger were buckled up and yet still they suffered injuries.

If you’re the kind of person who takes seatbelts lightly, I encourage you to read this article in its entirety. A few seconds of trouble can just save your life.

Here’s the story from Elaine:

I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn’t. At that time I didn’t know my eyes was swelling shut my eyes. I used my other senses, I heard Jason praying for me, ”Dear Lord…” and it went on. I did a mental body scan, I felt throbbing pain all over my right body: from the right side of my face, down to my right arm, and to my leg.

Jason continued to pray, and his hands holding my right palm. I tried to open my eyes again. Light. Bright light. Very bright light. Blinding. I tried to speak. The sound of my voice surprised me, I sounded nothing like me. “Turn of the lights” I croaked. Jason suddenly went quiet. Then I heard him say to the rest “Elaine is saying something, keep quiet”. But I heard dearest Chloe say “Please don’t die, please don’t die”. I went again….“Turn of the lights”. This time Jason heard me. But I thought he was thinking I was seeing “the light”.

I did not die that night. I just broke almost everything on my right. Bones from the hand to the leg. Some bruises. Some tear in the skin. And also I hurt my voice box. I’m relieved I still have my right eye. I am alive. But I am different now, physically and mentally.

You see, I did not wear my seat belt on that dark and rainy night, on the way down from my hiking trip from Gunung Yong Yap in Cameron Highlands. I didn’t think it was important even when the government has just enforced the rule. I was sitting behind anyway. I was wrong, and I learn a really hard lesson from it.

Getting through the first 6 months was the hardest. I was wheelchair-bound for 3 months, and another 3 on crutches. I had to depend on everyone. Even I had to hire a live-in helper to help me get through the few months. Saying “Thank You” was very difficult for me. I had to say “Thank You” for every single thing, even how minor because I cannot do it myself. It frustrates me, it makes me even angrier at myself.

Physiotherapy at the hospital continued for almost a year. And I had to follow up with other physiotherapist on my own later. I had to learn to walk again. I had to learn how to balance. To tell you the truth, I still can’t really balance on my right leg up till now. But that is just the simple stuff. What I really feared at physiotherapy session was bending my knee. My right patella was shattered to 16 pieces and I had a wire mesh tying it together. Every time I try to bend my right knee, the ridges of the bones and the wire will press against the soft joints.

%$#$%^%^%##&** Recalling it now makes me want to cuss at the pain. I could hardly bend my knees at the beginning, but I slowly progress from 50 degrees to 70, then to 90. Then I hit a plateau. I didn’t improve and that’s when my therapist had to use force to push. The pain was excruciating but what must be done must be done. I cried countless of times during therapy sessions because the pain was just unbearable.

I lost a lot of my muscle mass. My fit and almost muscular hiking and climbing legs turned into skinny and flabby chicken legs. My fitness and stamina went down the drain due to my limitations. I went into depression. I couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t do a lot of things when my right knee permanently damaged. I had to give up ALL the hobbies I love. No more hiking and climbing. No more running and jumping. No more extreme sports. I couldn’t even wear pants without holding on to something to help keep my balance and I have to use seating toilets because I cannot squat or kneel (and this is still true now). I was told I cannot carry heavy weights. I cannot do a lot of physical activities because I need to make my knee last. The doctor didn’t want to give the 27-year-old a knee replacement because there will be plenty of other complications in the future.

Family and friends are also put through inconvenience because of me. Nobody wants to take care of a lame person but they had to. Folks spent so much more extra energy caring for me physically and emotionally. I am so ever grateful for their actions.

I can go on and on but then I might lose your interest because this may seem trivial to you, but trust me, it’s not. Imagine you cannot run around with your kids or even your pet animal because it hurts to run. Imagine you can’t cross the busy road because you walk too slowly and risk being run over. Imagine always taking escalators and lifts because it hurts too much to walk down the steps. Imagine if someone tells you that your future pregnancy will probably be difficult not because you cannot conceive, but you cannot carry the weight.

The moral of all this, easy way to get out all of this is to die (I’m being blunt here but that’s the fact), but honestly dying is harder that it seems. Most of the time you will just end up injured and get a whole set of permanent injuries that will lower your quality of life forever. So…. WEAR YOUR SEATBELTS, buckle up in the front or the back, and don’t start driving before everyone is secured to their seats. Stay safe. We all think “It will NEVER happen to me”. But when it does, it’s too late.

seatbelt-operation-metals
Objects used in Elaine’s hand and leg. After some time, she had another operation to remove them.
seat-belt-x-ray
X-Ray shows how the doctor fixed Elaine’s leg and knee.

Filed Under: Blog, Home Organization and Safety

Family Trip: A Day in Ipoh

June 29, 2016 By Abel Cheng

Ipoh's Kek Look Tong
Kek Look Tong

My mother used to complain about traveling. She was not interested at all when I tried to take her along on one of our trips.

I don’t know for sure the exact reason. Perhaps the hassle of traveling or weak knees.

Nonetheless, now she is a changed person and she seems to be keen on going around as long as it’s not too hectic for her.

Taking cue from this, we planned and were on a road trip to Ipoh with my mother and brothers in the last school  holidays.

Of course, with my wife, J and K tagging along as well. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Fun Times

How to raise better children in an unfair way

June 20, 2016 By Abel Cheng

Raising better children
Photo Credit: .craig

Parents face different challenges at different stages of life of the children. When they are toddlers, they just do what we tell them to. No ifs or buts.

When they grow older, with intelligence improved, they will question the way you do certain things. They will not accept what you say without giving you trouble.

I have my way of raising J and K. Some are vastly different from what the majority of parents do. This, without a doubt, casts “dissatisfaction” in them, especially K. To be fair, I am not sure what J thinks of my parenting style but K takes me to task by questioning why I do what I do.

In fact, he didn’t ask me directly but to his mother. I only found out from my wife what K thought of the way I raised them.

We discussed in detail over dinner last week.

K raised some points that I will share with you below:

  • Why do I have to do housework while my friends don’t?
  • Why do my friends have 5 times more allowance than I do?
  • Why do my friends have the luxury to buy anything they wish without the need to convince the parents?
  • Why don’t my friends get scolded after they misbehave (eg: breaking a glass)?

K asked these questions after he starts comparing notes with his classmates. He feels that his friends are getting ahead of him in terms of materials or how they live their lives. He starts wondering why his friends can live a comfortable life while he has to “slave” himself doing chores and getting “paid” less in the form of an allowance.

I am not bothered by this problem. On the contrary I am happy and have been waiting for this moment. That shows my kids are beginning to think and I have again the opportunity emphasize the salient points of my parenting principles.

For the uninitiated, here is what I do with J and K:

  • I don’t buy everything they ask me to. I need convincing. Most of the time I say no.
  • I encourage (sometimes, force) them to do house chores. It’s even better if they do tasks for the whole family, not only for themselves.
  • I explain to them when they do something that is not appropriate. And if they fail to listen and repeat the same mistake/misbehavior, a punishment will be served.
  • I advise them to put less emphasis on materials. Instead, focus more on life experiences and relationships with others. In short, intangible things.
  • I want to inculcate the habit of saving. I don’t want them to spend more money than they have.

So why do I do these and, as a result, make J and K feel it’s unfair?

All in all, I can summarize the reason for this in one simple, easy to understand sentence: I want to raise J and K to be responsible, independent, emotionally mature children who are financially savvy without overindulgence in material stuff.

Being “unfair” has its advantages.

With all the restrictions and control, initially K felt the way I brought him up was unfair. There are so many things he can’t do. There are so many things he can’t buy. There are so many ways he can’t live like a king.

After explaining to them that evening, they can understand more why we do that. And they feel much better now that they know we have a reason for what we do and it’s not our intention to come here and purposely make their lives as miserable as possible.

For more tips on raising happy and well behaved children with less costs, check out my The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting.

More details, click here.

Filed Under: Blog, Parenting

Taiping Day Trip

June 13, 2016 By Abel Cheng

Taiping Lake Gardens
Taiping Lake Gardens

If you know me well, I put a lot of emphasis on relationships. Hence, whenever possible, I would create opportunities for J and K to spend time with family members and friends. Just for them to mingle, play, joke, or… you get what I mean.

In the most recent school holiday, we took J and K to visit my parents-in-law. I thought putting them together would be sufficient to achieve my noble objective. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Fun Times

Family Day Trip to Carey Island, Banting and Jenjarom

May 4, 2016 By Abel Cheng

It’s a long weekend and something had to be planned so the 3-day break would not be wasted.

That’s what my wife said.

So to make use of the Labor Day (May Day) holiday, we decided to visit the Mah Meri Cultural Village where the place is still sadly unknown even to locals. We also took the opportunity to go around Banting and Jenjarom.

Credit must be given where it’s due. The trip would not have been possible (especially food hunting) without the help from my good friend, Maya Kirana, who was raised in Banting. Though I have been to these two places but due to her insider tips that I dared myself to explore Banting and Jenjarom deeper and wider.

Let’s dive in and see what we had done during the road trip. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Fun Times

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