ParentWonder

Helping Parents Succeed

Kids prefer dad to be driver

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We always argue that who is a better driver: men or women. Being a man, not that I’m biased, I always think that men are better drivers (that doesn’t mean ruthless drivers) — from my personal experience.

Okay, in all fairness, why not let the kids do the judgment? In a survey, 47% of the kids surveyed said they feel unsafe when their mom is behind the wheel. 39% said they feel unsafe when their dad is driving.

It’s quite interesting to see how the kids think. And it’s something for the parents to ponder…hmm
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Webkinz: New Toy Creates Sensation, Controversy

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It’s the newest toy obsession sweeping the nation. Many stores in the St. Louis market are sold out of Webkinz.

Picture the Beanie Baby and Tamagotchi craze on steroids. That pretty much sums up the Webkinz phenomenon sweeping the country and leaving store shelves barren.

At Spicer’s in Ladue, managers have been waiting for a new shipment of the furry creatures for about a month. It doesn’t take long for word to spread that a large shipment has arrived.

Full report: KSDK
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All Parents Are Liars

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I am not saying that I am an “honest” parent. But before you label me as another egoistic man who is trying to be smart, let’s hear me out first.

And to be fair, why not you read this article in full and then tell me whether it’s right for me to come up with such a blatant title.

Agreed? Let’s move on.

There are reasons why I say that all parents are liars. To illustrate my point, the best thing to do is to come up with a list of things parents say to their kids but they don’t do themselves:

1) “You must east fruits and vegetables.” – Parents eat everything but fruits and vegetables.

2) “You must not smoke.” – Parents say this when they smoke in front of their kids.

3) “Don’t buy expensive gadgets like iPod. It’s waste of money.” – Parents chase the latest models of mobile phone, digital camera, mp3 player, etc.

4) “Exercise more.” – How often do you exercise?

5) “Read more books.” – If parents do read, which is hardly, they read newspapers and magazines more than anything else.

6) “Get good grades at school.” – How did you fare when you were at school?

7) “Excel in sports.” – Parents are good in being couch potatoes.

8) “Do not scream, yell or hit people when you’re angry.” – Look at what happens in Taiwan parliament occasionally.

9) “Do not overspend your allowance.” – Parents tend to spend more than they earn. Look at the stats on credit card debts.

10) “You must learn how to share.” – When was the last time you share your sports car with your friend?

11) “Don’t watch too much TV.” – The only thing a child sees what his parents do is watch TV.

12) “Live a balanced life.” – Do you have one yourself?

13) “You must respect others.” – Do you respect your own child?

14) “You must not make mistakes.” – Who doesn’t make mistakes?

15) “Don’t give up too soon.” – Do you hang in there long enough? Or you find an easy way out?

That’s 15 of them. I can come up with a longer list. Maybe you can too. But you already know what I mean.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that you become a perfect mom or dad. I break some of the rules myself. I admit.

But this is not my point. My point is twofold.

Number 1: If you, as a parent, can’t be 100% perfect (see the list above and calculate how many you’ve done yourself), why do you expect your child to be one? Why do you put expectations that are as high as the sky on your child?

Number 2: I know when you say these words to your child, you mean well. It’s nothing wrong there. But can you do what you mean? Can you lead by example?

For instance, if you want your child to eat more fruits, why not you have the same menu as well? If you want your child to watch less TV, then stop being a TV addict yourself.

Don’t you think we should stop from being a parent who lies to a mom or dad who really mean what we say? By doing so, we can be a good role model to our children. Make them respect us and be proud of us.

Frankly, this is a reminder for myself too. And let us improve alongside our children.

 

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Dad the Quitter

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A year and a half ago this week, after repeated attempts and repeated failures, I quit smoking. I did it for a number of reasons, but foremost in my mind was the health and happiness of my children.

As the father of six kids, I knew that the chances were good that if I kept smoking, they would smoke too. And live unhealthy lives and die young.

That’s a harsh reality, but it’s proven by the stats. And that kind of motivation will drive a dad to overcome the killer urges to have just one toke, to relieve stress, “because it won’t really hurt to smoke just one time.”

But it does. Because one time leads to two, and that leads to failure. As I’d seen so many times in my past (unsuccessful) quits. And my kids deserve better.

The Guilt

Again, I have six kids, and I work two jobs. There’s a fair amount of stress in my job. So smoking was a crutch — a way for me to handle the high levels of stress without actually dealing with it. Tough meeting? Go out and smoke. Just barely met deadline? Have a cig. Kids driving me crazy? I’ll just step outside for a few minutes.

But every time I smoked around my kids, I felt guilty. I would go around the corner to smoke, pretending to myself that the kids didn’t know and couldn’t see and wouldn’t model their behavior after mine. That, of course, caused further guilt — I was living a lie, deceiving my kids to get my fix. And I knew. I knew that they knew, despite my two-facedness.

How I Quit

I quit probably 7-8 times, unsuccessfully, before my last quit. Mostly I tried going cold turkey, thinking every time that I had the willpower, but in the end, it failed because I would ask myself: “What am I doing this for? Why should I suffer when I enjoy it so much?”

And that was the heart of the matter: it was pleasurable, and I really had no reason to give up that pleasure and suffer instead. I needed me some pretty strong motivation.

So I found a solution: I made a promise, to my wife and my daughter, that I would quit. I told them that I might try and fail, but that I wouldn’t ever give up until I succeeded — even if it took 50 quits before it stuck.

That promise worked. Every time I wanted to smoke, I would think of that promise, and how I didn’t want to look like a failure in the eyes of my wife and daughter.

There were, of course, other reasons behind my quit — my health, the expense of it all (I’ve saved more than $2,000 by quitting), and the self-esteem issue of letting this addiction control my life, to name a few. But the promise was the most powerful.

It took more than the promise. I attacked this addiction with a bunch of different weapons and strategies. Some of the best that worked for me:

  • Online forum. I joined a forum, introduced myself, asked questions, became a part of a community of people going through the same horrible experience (and many of them making it). It was inspirational, and motivational, as I wanted to prove to them that I could do it too. Make a rule: before you take a toke, post to the forum. It helped tremendously.
  • Let it pass. When you get an urge, ride it out. It will pass. Just give yourself a few minutes. Make yourself busy. Do whatever you can to distract yourself until the urge passes.
  • Deep breaths, water, healthy snacks: Some of the best ways of getting through an urge. Take some deep breaths. Drink a glass of water. Eat some frozen grapes. Give yourself a massage to relieve stress.
  • Exercise: Stress relief, of course, is the biggest reason people smoke. You need to find an alternate stress reliever. For me, it was running. I wasn’t good at running at first (especially with my smoker’s lungs), but I just did it a little at a time. By the end of one year, I ran a marathon.

Multiple strategies work best. Most of all, tell yourself, Not One Puff Ever (NOPE) — because one will definitely lead to relapse, whatever your brain tries to tell you.

I quit, and it was one of the best things I ever did. I think I made a major step towards improving my kids’ lives. And as a bonus, the success of quitting led to many other positive changes in my life: I became a runner, and now a triathlete; I became a vegan; I got a second job and doubled my income; I began to pay off my debt and saving; I became organized and productive; and now I’ve started a fairly successful blog that has really taken off, talking about all of these things I’ve learned along the way.

Ed. Note: Leo Babauta writes about simple productivity at Zen Habits. It’s our sincere hope that Leo’s story will encourage more parents to quit smoking for the love of their children.

Related News:
‘Healthy’ Children With Smoking Parents Aren’t Really So Healthy
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Viagra shown to aid jet-lagged travelers

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The male impotence drug Viagra may be useful for treating jet lag as well, according to Argentine researchers who gave it to hamsters made to feel like rodent globe-trotters.

The researchers manipulated the schedule of turning lights on and off to induce jet lag in the laboratory animals, they reported on Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Source: Reuters

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