ParentWonder

Helping Parents Succeed

Getting your child to try new foods

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The problem my wife and I face is our daughter always sticks to food that she's familiar with and likes. Whenever we have new food items, she always stays away without even trying.

And I realize many parents face the same problem. Fortunately, Dave of Daddy Daze has written an interesting post on this. It's not the usual "how to make your kids eat stuff" though.

He applies a psychological approach called "shaping." All in all, there are seven steps. Three of them are the prep work. The rest of the steps are when "shaping" is taking shape. The steps are…darn, why don't you hop over and read it. Dave has done a great job detailing how he successfully got the kids to enjoy salmon and brown rice:

7 steps to end mealtime battles forever

You'll see an example of what "shaping" is all about there. Don't worry, nothing technical.
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Letter from a grieving mother

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Hi parent,

We lost our son Brandon on the 9th of Feb 2006. He died of asphyxia and during the care of a lady who operates a childcare centre in Jalan Changgai, Petaling Jaya (opposite of Assunta Girls Secondary School), Malaysia. We are deeply saddened by the death of our son within such a short time. He was a healthy boy, weighing 6kg and drinking 5oz at 2 1/2 mths. You may have read about it in the papers, Malay Mail, Harian Metro and most of the Chinese dailies.

Initial findings were that he choked on his own milk and by the time he was sent to the hospital, he already died. At first we did not want to allow an autopsy, because we couldn’t bear to see our child being “cut-up” but after discussing it with family members, we agreed to it as we needed to know the actual cause of death. When the results were out, the doctors concluded that there was a lump of curdled milk impacted within the esophagus. How could this have happened, if proper care and first aid was given immediately??!! It soon, struck us that he could have been left alone after his feed and may not have been burped properly; therefore he may have vomited and choked on the back-flow of the milk. Till today, the babysitter has not said anything on the incident and we still do not know what actually happened. She only cries when we ask her for the details. Maybe she is too scared to respond or feels guilty; we will never know.

It is being investigated by the police now, as well as the Selangor Welfare Dept and MPPJ as initial findings by the Malay Mail was that the babysitter is operating without any form of license from the proper authorities. But so far there is no conclusion whatsoever. To the authorities, this is considered an accident and the case would just be like any other case to them. We were quite disappointed, because before we sent our child to her, she quoted so many proficiencies and skills in managing a child care centre and infants. That’s why we agreed to give it a try. Now we feel as if we were somewhat responsible for our child’s death by sending him there.

Ironically, this was only his 8th day at the babysitter’s care. And suddenly, he is gone, just like that. It was very traumatic for me, as I was the first to arrive at the hospital. The scene plays over and over in my mind. Our pain and suffering is being shared by all who are around us and through this sharing we have learned to cope with the loss, although I still cry anytime of the day, at work, in my sleep, while driving etc. We searched for support through some local website for grieving mothers who in one way or another lost their child but, sadly, there weren’t many active sites and we had to turn to CBS (S’pore) and one site which were operated locally by Lillian Chan.

I hope to join other grieving mothers to share my feelings. I believe that it is easier to speak to someone who has had experience of losing a child as she would understand how I feel right now.

We decided that through the local media and the internet, we would be able to inform and educate those parents-to-be to be more prudent when it comes to selecting babysitter and child care centres. Do not just go for economical, locality and because someone says the babysitter is good. Through our plight, we generated some focus from the Ministry of Women, Family & Community Development to provide some form of guidance and regulations for these child services and to act on them if they flout the laws.

Here, I would like to thank those who have provided us with the care and support throughout our bereavement and with the grace of God, we will overcome this experience but never a day forgetting our beloved son Brandon.

In loving memory of Brandon Teh.
11th November 2005 – 9th February 2006.

“ You brought us Joy & Happiness,
A beloved Gift from the Lord above,
We will forever Love & Remember You,
United with the Lord….An Angel You are now”

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Baby’s first bacteria

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All new parents know that their baby is special and unique, from the top of its bald head to the tips of its tiny toes. Now Stanford scientists have shown that this individuality extends even to the bacteria that colonize the baby’s insides.

By sampling a year’s worth of diapers from fourteen different babies — yes, that was somebody’s job — researchers in the labs of Dr. Patrick Brown and Dr. David Relman mapped out histories for each child, telling which bacteria were present, and when, starting from the day they were born.

Source: latimes.com
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14 Divorce Tips from Stacy Phillips

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California divorce attorney, Stacy Phillips, shares in this exclusive interview with you on subjects like divorce mistakes, causes of divorce, children and divorce, finding the best attorney, fast divorce, and how to get a divorce without going to court.

Here are the 14 divorce tips from Stacy Phillips:

1. What are the top three biggest divorce mistakes most people make and how to avoid them?

• They don’t plan ahead financially.Stacy Phillips

• They don’t take the time to “shop” for the lawyer that is right for them, thus they can often go through two or three before they find the suitable match (costing them thousands of unnecessary dollars).

• They let their emotions overtake their business sense.

2. How to hire a divorce lawyer that suits my needs and budget?

Make sure you find an attorney that meets your requirements, i.e., one you can afford, but more importantly the “type” that suits you. For instance, do you want to turn your affairs over to someone and let them make your decisions for you? Do you want a “father” figure? Do you want someone you can form a “partnership” with—who can work with you in tandem to make decisions and handle your case? The appropriate choice for selecting an attorney is strictly a personal one. But, also, keep in mind that you need to “shop” in your price range.

3. How do you know enough is enough and you should proceed with a divorce?

When you can no longer function productively each day and after deep soul-searching to determine that there is no hope for reconciling or working out your differences.

4. What’s the single top reason why most people divorce?

There is no single reason except that people find they have no more tolerance for the marital situation and that they are deeply unhappy. What leads to that, however, are usually reasons, that I call the “Big Six”. People typically divorce over issues in the following categories: Money/Property/Wealth; Loss of Love (Intimacy); the Children; Changes in Health (physical or mental); Growth (personal or professional); Fear (Physical/Emotional/Psychological).

5. Will the courts honor request not to allow divorce if citing religious reasons?

Though every state is different, in California, a court may not refuse to grant a divorce on the grounds of religious differences. There are only a handful of reasons the court grants a divorce, irreconcilable differences chief among them.

6. Will the courts require counseling if one party requests it?

In California, if both partners request counsel, The Court will provide it free of charge. In addition it is mandatory in California for partners to go through mediation on custody and visitation issues before said issues are heard by the Court.

7. If spouse gave 2 weeks notice to you that he was leaving because “he did not love you anymore”, and moved out Nov 7, 2006, and in January started a relationship with a girl he supposedly just met and by March was already dating and sleeping over at her house, is that grounds for adultery since there is no legal divorce papers or neither of us has sought divorce papers?

California is a “no-fault” state. In other words, it doesn’t matter whom you’re sleeping with or when (during or after the breakup). The court does not view this as “grounds” for divorce. This may be true in other states and it is best to confer with legal counsel in your respective state or call your attorney and ask the question: Is the state in which I’m seeking a divorce one that considers adultery reasonable grounds for divorce.

8. What’s the best way to help children of parents who are getting divorced?

Never, under any circumstances bash the one parent to the children, i.e., say bad things about them. Instead, try to work out your differences calmly and with the best interests of the children your primary concern. The children should not have to bear any more of a burden than they will already carry knowing their parents no longer want to be together. Also, be flexible with visitation and sharing custody. Children do much better when they see their parents giving way to the needs and wants of the kids.

9. How to go through a divorce without sacrificing your lifestyle and financial standing?

Sometimes this is not possible. Two incomes provide more discretionary income and two incomes also provide for more upscale amenities such as residences, cars, personal belongings. One income now divided in two is hard to stretch. Make do with what you have and realize you hopefully have exchanged a brighter future and peace of mind for dollars and cents. That said, if you spouse makes considerably more than you do, you certainly have a right to augment your income by asking for reasonable spousal support as well as child support.

10. I know it’s quite weird to ask this but how to legally save thousands on your divorce?

Do your level best to stay out of court but don’t waste an exorbitant amount of time trying to settle. Also, don’t waste a lot of your attorney’s time because he or she has every right to bill you for time spent on your case. If your attorney asks you to do a task, do it properly and efficiently, e.g., getting your financial records in order. Make sure you also seek the help of a good therapist. Divorce becomes costly when two people opt to fight it out. The fight takes a good amount of time, energy and resources all the way around. Possible solutions include: mediation with your ex or collaborative or cooperative law approaches. Work toward settling all issues, if you can. I tell my clients never to go to court unless they are financially, emotionally and physically prepared for the battles that it involves. And, only if all else fails.

11. How to get through a divorce easier and faster?

Keep your eye on the future. Seek counseling. Settle your financial and custody issues early on so you can move on. The sooner the ordeal is behind you, the sooner you can look to a brighter day.

12. How to fight for the custody of your children?

Only engage in a fight when you think it is best for the child. Do not use the children, ever, as pawns to get back at your ex or keep the fight going. If you have a legitimate reason for seeking custody, such as child abuse, make sure you find an attorney who specializes in such cases.

13. Is it possible to get divorced without going to court? If yes, how?

Yes. If you can agree to a settlement (and custody arrangements between the two of you if you have children), your attorney and your ex’s will take it from there. Papers will be drawn up, signed and filed.

14. What to do if a parent is a victim of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?

In my opinion, this label is overplayed and there are now many different theories on how to deal with this issue. One suggestion is to seek counseling from both a therapist and an attorney, who can help if you feel your child or children are alienating you. Keep in mind, that the courts want the children to have the benefit of both parents, so support of one another is important in the eyes of the court. The court does not look favorably upon one parent keeping the child from the other. If you are a victim, insist on counseling between you and your child and even your ex to work out your differences. If that fails, seek the help of a qualified attorney who will then advise you of your rights and remedies.

Stacy D. Phillips, is a certified family law specialist in Los Angeles and author of Divorce: It’s All About Control–How To Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars (ExecuProv Press) and may be purchased at Amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and other major bookstores.

Walking tall: A true hero in the making

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Imagine this: You had a son who was born a paraplegic. His lower limbs were not fully formed and he had to rely on a skateboard to move around.

Most parents would have given up on this child as he’s not "normal." And there’s no hope for this child as he has to be dependent on parents for the rest of his life.

Is it true that there’s nothing can be done? Do physical disabilities really prevent someone from being great?

Nothing answers these questions better than this true story. A story of a 12-year old paraplegic boy who wants to make difference in his life.

I’m deeply touched by this story as Haziq gives proof, once again, there is a GIANT within, despite whatever weaknesses you think you have. You can really walk tall just like Haziq.

Thanks for the inspiring story, Haziq. I got to go now to get some tissue paper…
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