ParentWonder

Helping Parents Succeed

Is an Affair a Death Sentence for a Happy Marriage?

By

There are two main schools of thought on affairs. One is that the marriage is over and the faithful partner should leave the infidel and move on. The other is that affairs sometimes happen for a significant reason and that it provides just what is needed to get the marriage back on track.

It’s too easy to judge the unfaithful partner. His or her infidelity could have been brought on by the spouse’s inability to provide a loving, nurturing environment or a lack of a sex life at all! Intimacy is hugely underestimated in some marriages and it can be inevitable that the suffering partner will seek it elsewhere.

Some affairs happen “by accident”. A situation arises and a weak person can succumb to temptation without giving it due thought. Whether or not they report it to their spouse is another issue altogether and sometimes owning up to it might be worse than keeping it a secret.

Affairs should never be condoned but they can sometimes seem justifiable. The most important thing is for the couple to determine whether or not the affair is an irreparable blight on their marriage or if, over time, the shock can subside and it can be discussed reasonably together.

The faithful partner who was cheated on needs to re-evaluate his or her standpoint.

  • Take time to grieve and to work through the spectrum of emotions that will hit.
  • Ask whatever you need to know. There are some things you may not want to know but you do need to know if your sexual health or family security has been breached.
  • Determine what it will take for you to regain trust in your spouse again.
  • Come up with a revised set of goals, whether they are as a couple or for you as an individual.
  • Seek the advice of an objective person such as a doctor, counselor or social worker. Talking to friends and family who can’t help but be emotionally involved will not be as useful.
  • Attend counseling together so that you can work out if you can forge ahead and what it will take to do so.

Each spouse should take responsibility for their own involvement in a marriage where someone felt the need to seek intimacy elsewhere. Owning your own part in it, however difficult that can be, will help you to work past the victim syndrome for the faithful partner, and the guilt complex of the one who cheated.

See also:
Common Marriage Problems and How to Resolve Them

5 Need-To-Know Tips to Guarantee a Successful Marriage

Signs of Cheating: Is Your Spouse Cheating on You?

Stop! Don’t change my routine

By

Rocks in My Dyer's WFMW logoMy wife said, “We made a mistake. We shouldn’t have done this.”

And I agreed in silence.

This was the immediate response when our 18-month toddler made a fuss on the first and second nights we moved our children to our bedroom.

We came to realize that the previous bedroom was stuffy and the temperature was warmer. The bottom line is it was not well ventilated.

To make sure that our children have a better room (also for their health), my wife and I unanimously agreed to allow the two kids to share room with us.

My elder daughter was okay with the change. However it was a HUGE problem for our toddler son.

His routine was upset. He usually went up to the room smiling from ear to ear. For some reason, he was happy coming into the room. Maybe he could play and make some stunts on the mattress.

But somehow he could not do that in the “new” room. He was quite pissed off, to say the least, with the change. All the fun he used to have disappeared.

He pointed to his previous room and he was crying uncontrollably. It took at least two hours to calm him down before the rest of us got to sleep.

But I insisted the children to be in our room.

In the midst of shaking our heads in disbelief, I got an idea. I tried to make our room look like their previous room. What I did was to place an extra mattress on the floor, move some children’s books and toys over, and whatever we needed to simulate the previous room.

On the 3rd and 4th nights, so far so good. Fingers crossed. And our son looked forward to the room and he behaved like he used to (a.k.a normal and happy) when he was in the previous room.

Phew. What a relief!

Lesson learned?

Don’t disrupt a toddler’s routine for your own fancy (at least we’ve got a valid reason), especially a routine that he likes. Never ever change or remove it.

However, if you have no choice but to do it, do whatever it takes to make the changes unnoticed.

Just like what we did.

Now everyone can have a good night sleep… after a short battle.

This post is written specially for WFMW. For more tips, head on over to Shannon’s Rocks in My Dryer.

[Read more…]

Mattel Recalling More Chinese-Made Toys

By

Mattel announced recalls Tuesday for 9 million more Chinese-made toys, including popular Barbie, Polly Pocket and “Cars” movie items, and warned that more could be ordered off store shelves because of lead paint and tiny magnets that could be swallowed.

The recalls came nearly two weeks after Mattel Inc., the nation’s largest toy-maker, recalled 1.5 million Fisher-Price infant toys worldwide, which were also made in China, because of possible lead-paint hazards for children.

The government warned parents to make sure children are not playing with any of the recalled toys.

Full report: The Washington Post

See also:
Answers on toy recall for worried parents
Fisher-Price to Recall Nearly 1M Toys

Darren Rowse of ProBlogger on Parenting – An Interview

By

darren rowse pictureWhat Darren Rowse is famous for is blogging but this article is none about that.

In this interview, we get up close and personal with the guy who founded one of the world’s Top 100 blogs – Problogger.net – on being a stay at home dad, his toddler son, and family life. According to Technorati, Darren’s blog is currently at the 24th spot. Besides Problogger, the Australian is also the co-founder of b5media, a network of more than 100 blogs.

Enjoy the interview!

1) You work from home and many parents want to be stay at home dads too. Would you encourage them to do so and what advice do you offer them?

I have found working at home to be a rich and wonderful experience in my first year of fatherhood – however I suspect that it wouldn’t be for everyone because at times it can be challenging also.

The challenges come on two fronts:

a. The temptation not to work. When your wonderful little boy is in the next room doing things for the first time (smiling, rolling over, crawling, walking and talking) it’s very tempting to abandon work and spend a lot of time with your family.

b. The temptation to ignore family. On the other hand, when a crisis hits at work the temptation is to immerse yourself in that at the expense of family.

I guess the advice would be to think carefully about boundaries and how you communicate them to your family. I’ve developed a bit of a signal system for my wife to signal that I’m at work and can’t be interrupted (unless it’s really important), when I’m working and it’s OK to interrupt etc. It’s taken us a while to find our rhythm on this but it seems to work.

2) What’s your biggest parenting mistake and what did you do to rectify it?

I’m not sure yet. I’m sure I’ve made some – but there’s not been anything too major yet.

3) How do you balance between your work and family and how much time do you spend with your family? Also what are your favorite family activities?

I try to set aside time every day to spend time with my son and wife. It’s not always easy for this to be extended time – but one of the things I’ve tried to do more and more is go for walks. Sometimes we go as a whole family and other times it’s just me and my son. We tend to go to the park or a local cafe. I also block out significantly longer times on the weekend and then take longer week long breaks throughout the year for holidays.

4) What’s the best way to teach children about business and money?

My son’s probably a little too young for this but looking back at my own experience as a child my parents gave us pocket money and gave us incentive to earn more by doing jobs. I remember from a young age saving money, keeping a ledger to help budget and working towards goals. This is the type of thing we hope to do with our family.

5) The biggest problem you ever faced as a father and how did you overcome it?

So far it’s probably been the work life balances. Before becoming a Dad I was a real workaholic. These days I’m much more balanced, however the temptation is always there to work stupidly long hours. The best way to combat this so far is to allow friends and family to keep me accountable to not working such long hours.

6) You have a one year old son. What’s your advice for new parents?

We worked hard at getting ourselves into a routine in the early days of his life. We had a fairly structured sleeping and feeding plan that worked very well for us and got him sleeping through the night after just a month or two. This enabled us all to be well rested and able to cope with the extra pressures of life. I’m sure this is partly good luck but we did work hard in those early days to get him settled into this routine on the advice of friends.

7) If there’s only one thing, what would be the best gift you give to your child?

Probably time. I was fortunate to have a father who worked close to home (and at home for periods of time). While he was a busy man he was very actively involved in our lives growing up and I appreciated this and this has been one of the main reasons that I’ve tried to structure my life similarly.

See also:

Interviews with other personalities and authors