Parenting

In a recent poll on teenagers, Family Ties Key to Youth Happiness, 73 percent of 1,280 people ages 13 and 24— said their relationship with their parents makes them happy.

73 percent is a huge number. And if parents just do this one right, the world is your oyster, as they say.

It makes our life simpler, don’t you agree? Instead of thousands, you now only have to focus your parenting effort on just one thing: Creating a happy relationship with your child.

After all, who doesn’t want a happy child?

With this alone, it can help solve many social problems caused by broken families such as runaway teens, child depression, and so on.

But the big question is how? How do we create a close family relationship? Frankly, it’s no secret. Spending time with family is the only way.

That said, please don’t let your maid or nanny do the job for you. As a parent, you have to do it yourself, hands on.

Here’s a list bonding ideas that can help you foster a happy and closer family relationship with your child. By no means it’s an exhaustive list, so feel free to add.

Also keep in mind that this process takes time. Don’t expect that you can do wonders with your relationship with your child just by spending one night with him.

• Have a date. Fix a day of the week for your family. If you do this, every member of the family knows that no other activities to be scheduled for this time slot. It’s specially reserved for the family. Also, it removes the need to fix appointments if you family chooses to meet up.

• Private time. As a parent, you should spend private time with your child, one to one. Just be together, share your day, and exchange thoughts on certain issues. It could be a few minutes session.

• Super fast bonding techniques. No time for building parent-child relationship? Why not try these 5 minutes or less bonding activities. My daughter loves Rock-Paper-Scissors game very much.

• Listen and acknowledge the feelings, good and bad. Whether your child comes running home with exciting news from school, or sad news that he lost football match, be there for him. Just listen and acknowledge their feelings. Be objective and don’t give comments unless being asked. Don’t make assumptions by their expressions and behaviors. Make sure everything is fine and let him know that you’re always there for him, no matter what happens.

• Play together. Family bonding gets closer through play. There are many activities you can do with your child. Some could be as simple as watching the birds in the garden. Here’s a list of 70 toddler games for bonding.

• Take note of their interests. Different children have different interests. Some good at singing. Some good in games. Whatever it is, observe and take note of your child’s interest and guide him to fully utilize his talents by signing up for classes or hire him a coach. By doing this, your child knows that you care for him. Please don’t ask your child to be a doctor if he scares the hell out of sighting bloods.

• Have dinner together. Make it a point for your family to have dinner together every night. It’s good to get together and to catch up with each other. No one should be spared except with a valid reason. Traditional Asian families still practice this.

• Weekend trips. Have a weekend trip to somewhere out of town. If your family loves food, go to a nearby town to hunt for food. It’s fun to explore new places with your family. And also to get away from places you already know by heart, once in a while. If you love nature, use weekends to visit waterfalls, mountains, beaches, and jungles. Or you can do adventure sports with your family.

• Don’t over-control. This is a tricky issue. But you have to strike a balance between control and freedom. Don’t be a helicopter parent by keeping tab on your child 24/7. Give freedom to your child to do what he wants, to make decisions on his own and to go where he wants to go. Offer them suggestions, but without controlling their ideas and behaviors. Over-control creates rebellious children, especially those who seek freedom and don’t like to be controlled. Many teens run away from home because they feel that they don’t have freedom at home.

• Trust, love and respect. Shower your child with love and affection. Trust your child that he can make the best decisions for himself. Respect your child for the decisions he makes. Don’t force him to follow your way. You can only guide them. Final decisions should come from your child. Sometimes, it’s better for your child to make mistakes if you want him to drive home a powerful lesson.

• Share your side of your story. Many parents tend to ask too many questions to their child and forget one thing: share your own stories. Why not you take the initiative and share your likes, dislikes, feelings, childhood stories with your child. When I did this, my daughter was very interested to know the other side of me. It’s a good way for your child to get to know you better and what you value.

• Don’t compare. We adults hate it when someone is trying to compare you with others. How would you feel when your wife says this to you: “Kathy’s husband mops floor and he cooks too, what do YOU know?” Furious? But we always do this to our children. I always tell my daughter, “Everyone is different and unique.” So stop comparing your child with other kids. If you compare, you make your child feel bad. Worse, he’s going to try to emulate the person to gain you back – by losing his identity. You shouldn’t compare as your child is the only one in the world and he’s the best.

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I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.

Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights.

Childhood shouldn’t be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

1. She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

2. He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.

3. She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.

4. He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

5. She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.

But more important, here’s what parents need to know.

1. That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

2. That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

3. That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

4. That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

5. That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US.

They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

And now back to those 4 year old skills lists…..

I know it’s human nature to want to know how our children compare to others and to want to make sure we’re doing all we can for them. Here is a list of what children are typically taught or should know by the end of each year of school, starting with preschool: http://www.worldbook.com/wb/Students?curriculum

Since we homeschool, I occasionally print out the lists and check to see if there’s anything glaringly absent in what my kids know. So far there hasn’t been, but I get ideas sometimes for subjects to think up games about or books to check out from the library. Whether you homeschool or not, the lists can be useful to see what kids typically learn each year and can be reassuring that they really are doing fine.

If there are areas where it seems your child is lacking, realize that it’s not an indication of failure for either you or your child. You just haven’t happened to cover that. Kids will learn whatever they’re exposed to, and the idea that they all need to know these 15 things at this precise age is rather silly. Still, if you want him to have those subjects covered then just work it into life and play with the subject and he’ll naturally pick it up. Count to 60 when you’re mixing a cake and he’ll pick up his numbers. Get fun books from the library about space or the alphabet. Experiment with everything from backyard snow to celery stalks in food coloring. It’ll all happen naturally, with much more fun and much less pressure.

My favorite advice about preschoolers is on this site though:
http://www.redshift.com/~bonajo/early.htm

What does a 4 year old need? Much less than we realize, and much more.

You can read more of Alicia Bayer’s other articles, poems, and crafts at Magical Childhood

See also:

How to quickly and easily potty train your child (even the most stubborn) in 3 days flat

When weather gets hotter, the more your child perspires and the chances of getting dehydrated are higher. Dehydration is a condition in which children lose too much water (through sweating and urinating) and they fail to replenish these losses.

Symptoms of Dehydration

• Thirsty
• Loss of appetite
• Headache
• Cry without tears
• Increased heart rate
• Pallor
• Dizziness
• General flu-like feeling (sometimes nausea and vomiting)
• Diarrhea
• A dry mouth
• Lethargy
• Reduced frequency of urination
• Sunken eyes

Dehydration, if left untreated, can lead to heat exhaustion, a rise in body temperature.

If you see serious symptoms like vomiting for more than 24 hours, sunken eyes, or wrinkled skin, seek medical help immediately.

However, the good news is dehydration is 100% preventable.

Here are some practical tips to prevent your child from being dehydrated this summer:

1. Wear light colored clothes. They reflect the heat. Dark colors absorb heat. Choose the proper color for your child to wear outdoor.

2. Drink plenty of water. Water is still the best drink. It should be taken a little at a time, not gulped down. Apart from staying hydrated, here are the 9 reasons to drink water and how to form the water habit. Having problems getting your toddler to drink water? Check out this little trick.

3. Avoid the sun. Obviously, the best is to stay away from the sun. Schedule your activities either in the morning or late afternoon. Avoid being in the sun during the hottest period of the day.

4. Acclimate to the heat slowly. Let your child exposed to the heat gradually. Don’t stay in the sun for too long. Start from a few minutes and then increase slowly to a longer period.

5. Make your own fan. Use a book, newspaper, paper plate, or picnic tablecloth to keep your child cool. Better still, carry a small battery-operated fan.

6. Eat more fruits and vegetables. They contain a fairly high water content – to replenish water losses – and minerals too. Tip: Getting kids to eat vegetables and fruits.

7. Slow down. If your child is doing something under the sun, do it slower than the usual pace.

8. Wear a hat. To protect from the sun, give your child a hat to wear. Preferably one that covers the neck and well ventilated, such as fisherman’s hats or straw hats.

9. Check the weather. If the weatherman says it’s going to be a hot day, stay away from outdoor activities and let your child have fun indoor instead.

10. Don’t bear your chest. It’s not sexy to bear your chest in the heat of summer. Your child picks up more heat if he’s shirtless.

11. Wear cotton and polyester blends. This combination breathes better than 100% cotton or nylon.

12. Carry spare clothes. If your child’s shirt gets wet, change it immediately.

13. Cool off with water. Spray or splash your child with water to cool off. It’s a fun game too for the summer.

14. Bring an umbrella. If you child doesn’t like to wear a hat, let him carry a child’s umbrella or you carry for him when you go out.

15. Go to a mall. If you don’t want to foot the electricity bill, go to a nearby air-conditioned mall to enjoy the cool air there — for free. Make sure there’s something for the kids to keep them occupied.

Other useful resources:
Dehydration in Children Causes, Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Treatment
Dehydration in Children Treatment

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When I think back to some of the best memories of my childhood, many of them revolve around the natural world. In my youngest years I recall learning to ride a horse, spending countless hours in a barn rounding up kittens, and building up the courage to follow them up the barn ladder into the hay loft. As I got older I remember riding horseback for hours at a stretch, trekking through cornfields, and sitting through school with the desperate thought I that when I went home I would spend every minute until supper time outside adventuring.

When I look around today at children I am alarmed by the number of them that have almost no connection with the natural world. They don’t run and play in the fresh air….they stay indoors playing video games, watching television, or talking on cell phones that might have received for their fifth birthday. Nature is a curiosity and not the source of wonderment and complete abandon that is was for me. With every generation we seem to place less value on our relationship with nature. The “fun” in childhood seems to be disappearing at an alarming rate. Back when my mom grew up there was summer camp that involved sleeping in a cabin with other kids, swimming in the lake, and telling stories by camp fire. I looked at a camp directory in my area recently and saw a weight loss camp, an Asian languages camp, and an ethnic sensitivity camp. All of these “camps” were conducted indoors.

One of my foremost concerns as a parent is to make sure my children get to experience nature as I did and to guard against the development of nature deficit disorder.

The importance of this is evident in the book Last Child in the Woods – Saving Our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv. The book explores the increasing divide between the young and the natural world, and the environmental, social, psychological, and spiritual implications. It also shows us how important that connection is for child and adult health. It shows how the absence of nature in the lives of today’s wired generation can be linked to some of the most disturbing childhood trends: obesity, attention disorders, and depression.

So what can you do to cultivate within your child a natural and long lasting understanding of and connection with the natural world. Here are 10 suggestions to help you get started:

1. Connect with nature in your own backyard. Sit on the ground outside with your kids and have them describe what they see….the colors, the sounds, etc. Make a mud pie, fly a kite, or collect bugs to observe. If you do not have a yard, make it a family project to bring nature indoors with house plants, a fountain, a recording of nature’s sounds.

2. Built a fort or a tent outside for your kids. Even if it just a sheet thrown across a clothesline, give them a secret place for them to play outside and let their imaginations create hundreds of outdoor adventures.

3. Go camping. There is no greater way to experience nature then to go camping. You can sleep in a tent or in a sleeping bag under the stars, cook your food by campfire, and share stories with other campers.

4. Regularly visit botanical gardens. Most large cities have botanical gardens to showcase the native species of plant life available in your region. It is a great way for kids to learn about the types of plants that thrive in your region of the world.

5. Take your kids on a tour of a working farm. Many farm tours are geared toward kids allowing them opportunities to feed animals and do some actual farm chores. Some farms have Pick-Your-Own programs where you get to harvest your own food. This is also a great way for kids to identify with the process that brings food to their plates every day.

6. Go on a nature photo safari. Take your kids to a park or garden and allow them to become amateur photographers, taking pictures of all their natural finds. When you are finished collecting pictures turn them into a collage or photo slideshow. Here is an example of one such slideshow from YouTube of a natural backyard habitat.

7. Build a birdhouse with your children and put it in your yard to attract birds. Have them keep a record of all the birds you see and try to identify each of them.

8. Create a children’s garden. The book Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots has many ideas for garden projects that kids are sure to love such as a sunflower house and a pizza garden.

9. Start a compost bin inside or outside the home. Show them how kitchen scraps, paper, fallen leaves, and weeds can be used to create dark rich soil and how something that comes from the earth returns to it. Make it fun too. Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots gives instructions for making a compost sandwich. You can also buy some red earthworms and create a worm farm in your compost. All of these activities give your children hands on experience with nature and they absorb valuable information at the same time.

10. Read books to your children that encourage a curiosity in nature and the natural world. Barefoot books is a great place to look for books along these lines. They have many stories that incorporate natural themes. A Forest of Stories for example is a book my children really like that tells the story of seven magical trees from around the world including the Kapok tree, the Cherry Blossom tree, and the Palm tree. These trees were around long before man and in a sense are our living ancestors. We have a relationship with them now that is strikingly unfair as we accept from them a multitude of gifts and we often give nothing in return. It goes on to show us all of the gifts that trees give us and why they should have a special place in our lives and hearts.

Tiffany is a freelance writer and a “natural” mom to three wonderful kids. One of her foremost concerns is the state of the environment and making sure that she and her family live with a light ecological footprint. She’s a cancer survivor and the experience has taught her there is nothing more important than living naturally and healthfully. Visit her blog at Nature Moms.

Crying is your baby’s only way of communicating with you. At first it can be difficult and distressing for you but remember a large part of parenting is trial and error and you will soon learn to anticipate and interpret his needs. It is important to remember that no baby has ever cried himself to death. You need to know how to interpret what each cry means and you will know this very quickly if you spend time with him.

Reasons why babies cry:

1. I am hungry
2. I am wet or dirty
3. I am cold
4. I am hot
5. I want to be cuddled
6. I am not comfortable
7. I don’t feel good
8. I can’t take it anymore
9. None of the above

If your little one is wailing, just work your way down the list and you should find the cure.

• Hungry cry. Usually stops once food is in the mouth but some babies will continue complaining so keep on feeding. Sometimes baby will cry instead of closing the mouth so you may help him by gently pushing the lower jaw up to close the mouth.

• Wet or dirty. Some babies will let you know when the nappy is full and need changing especially when they poo. Others are not bothered until you smell it or when you pick them up.

• Too cold or too hot. All babies do not like to be naked and they cannot sleep if they are cold especially when they have cold feet. Sometimes swaddling or just putting a cloth over the feet will stop them crying. Sometimes a pacifier may help. Most babies are less likely to complain about being too hot so you will only recognize this when you see that his face is flushed or that he is sweaty.

• Need to be cuddled. Babies need a lot of cuddling and they vary a lot in how much they want to be held. There is no such thing as spoiling your baby by cuddling her. They grow up so fast and before you know it they are too big to carry and cuddle. Some babies just want to be by your side without being held.

• Not comfortable. This is usually due to position or something that’s irritating him. As the baby grows bigger he can push himself until he is wedged against the cot and needs to be repositioned.

• Don’t feel good. The cry of a sick baby is very distinct from the cry of hunger or frustration and you will recognize when your baby does not sound right and needs to be taken to the doctor.

• Can’t take anymore. Babies can become over stimulated from the noise and being passed from hand to hand and crying is the only way to say “I have enough.” Some babies may even have nightmares during the night from over stimulation.

• Too silent. Babies do not live in a silent world in the womb. Many new parents try to make it so silent that they whisper and tiptoe when baby is asleep then they wonder why baby wakes up crying. They sleep better when there is soothing sounds so keep the radio on and let the DJ bore him to sleep.

• None of the above. Many newborns have periods of fussiness when it is difficult to soothe them and you just cannot figure out what to do. This has happened to me a couple of times and my last resort was to take Marie to her doctor. The moment we walked through the door she smiled and cooed at the doctor who looked at me as if I was an idiot; and, I had to pay him RM75.00 to be told that there was nothing wrong with her especially when I am a so-called ‘expert’ on baby care.

Cecilia Koh is a British trained nurse/midwife with over 30 years experience working with mothers and babies in England and Malaysia. If you need more information on postnatal confinement and baby care please go to http://www.babiesconsult.com

See also:

• New Parent Sleep SOS: “My newborn won’t nap!”
• Can Classical Music Influence the Intelligence of Your Baby?
• Tips to Help New Parents Care for Their Baby
• Get Your Baby To Sleep Through The Night