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I always have this challenge to ask my daughter to keep toys after playing. I was being challenged yesterday, again.

Yesterday when we were preparing ourselves to go out, she just refused to keep her toys. I have tried many ways to convince her to do so but failed miserably. I even threatened her if she didn’t keep the toys, we would leave her behind. She couldn’t think of any excuses to win the battle, she cried… mind you very loudly.

Why not? Isn’t crying the best weapon to win in situations like this?

On usual days, frankly, I would have used violence on her. But this time I wanted to find some diplomatic ways to solve this problem.

In the midst of her cry, she tried to convince me with another excuse (the best I’ve ever heard in my 4 years of fatherhood!):

“The toy is heavy, daddy.”

Like other dads, I was tempted to use logic (like when getting out the toy from the shelf, you did not complain that it was heavy…) to tell her to stop the nonsense. If I were to do that I would have created more resistance in her.

I remembered I read somewhere (or my wife told me?) that if we wanted to get our toddlers or preschoolers to do something, we have to make it fun. Or at least, turn it into a game. With the help of my swift mind, I told my daughter, “Why don’t you push the toy on the floor just like a trolley. And once you reach the shelf, lift it up.”

She smiled once I finished the sentence. No more crying. And I knew the approach worked!

She happily pushed the “heaviest” toy and kept it. Followed suit were smaller toys. In no time, all the toys which were lying on the floor were kept tidily on the shelf.

Why so? Because she never thought that keeping toys was a chore anymore but fun. And her ego disappeared as I didn’t attack her directly.

Everyone was happy during the outing. And it lasted for the whole day. Just imagine if I didn’t try this approach and used my usual way to face this challenge. What would our trip be?
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This is a milestone in my parenting life as well as it is for my almost 11 year-old child. She went to her first camp yesterday. She was very excited. More than I was, thinking what can be so much fun sleeping in the open air. The whole thing about sleeping on concrete floor(the camp is at the school’s compound) in a tent with two other girls must be very interesting to an 11 year-old.

She packed her knapsack all by herself. She made a list and stuck by it. Something I am still working on myself. I can never make a list and stick by it. I find it more fun to go with the flow. I must say, I was very impressed by her planning and focused behaviour.

She is still at camp as I write this. I wonder what she’s up to now. I can’t help but worry a little. I know everything will be alright at the end of the day. My concerns and my worries are just me doing my parenting thing.

I can’t wait to hear her stories about camp. She is going to talk non-stop for the next few days about her camp. And, I’m all ears!

Ruth

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I read the following from an article about raising children recently:

“You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut up”

I found it entertaining, yet there are some truth in it.

The children must be wondering what went wrong with the parents.. I used to think like that when I was a child; I could not understand why my parents do not allow me to go out with my friends at night, why I should not stay overnight at friend’s house, why I must come back by 10pm if I ever goes to any birthday party.

Now that I am a mother of 2, I truly understand it. There are lots of concerns/worries that only parents will understand. There is no way for a child to understand your concerns no matter how many times you tried to explain to them. The only time they understand it is when they are parents themselves. Just like me.

Thanks to my parents who say no to many of my requests back then.
Thanks to my parents who still love me despite my misbehaviors.
Thanks to my parents who accept me as who I am.
Thanks to my parents who never give up on me.

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I quote an article written by John Johnston of The Enquirer on the eight ideals of attachment parenting. Attachment parenting (AP) is based on the work of British psychoanalyst John Bowlby and others, this parenting style encourages responsiveness to the infant or baby’s emotional needs. AP creates a strong emotional bond between baby and parents helps the child develop secure, peaceful and enduring relationships.

AP promotes breastfeeding, co-sleeping, positive discipline, nighttime parenting.

Here the eight ideals of attachment parenting:

• Feed with love and respect.
• Respond with sensitivity. “Remember that crying is your infant’s way of telling you he or she is distressed.”
• Feed with love and respect.
• Practice nurturing touch. “Helps satisfy the baby’s need for closeness, touch and affection.”
• Nighttime parenting. “It is important to be responsive to a baby’s nighttime needs.”
• Provide consistent loving care. “Avoid ‘caregiver roulette.’”
• Practice positive discipline. “Non-violent methods of discipline and loving guidance promote the development of self-control and empathy toward others.”
• Strive for balance in personal and family life. “Can be achieved by taking care of yourself through exercise, quiet time and healthy eating.”

For more information on AP, visit Attachment Parenting International. You can decide if AP parenting style is for you.
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We, staff at PW would like to pay tribute to all the women in the world on International Women's Day, which falls on March 8th every year, for your contribution. Not forgetting all the mothers who help nurture and shape the world. Kudos…
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