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Fairness: Where did a 4-year-old learn that?

August 22, 2007 By Abel Cheng

I go to my mum-in-law’s place for meals often as her place is only 5 minutes walk away from my place. My nephew, Xavier, came over to my mum-in-law’s place on weekends to catch up with his grandma. He would also pop by my place once in a while during those visits.

On past visits, he knew that we have Lego sets in my home. It was given to us as a gift and our one-year-old son is still too young to understand how to play.

4-year-old Xavier came over to visit his grandma again last weekend. I met him during lunch and he requested to go to my place to play Lego sets. I offered to bring the sets over to him as I didn’t want him to mess up my place.

So I walked back to my place and back with the Lego sets after lunch. He was so happy when he saw them that he dived into the sets immediately.

After a while, he encountered problems putting together one of the models that he wished to complete. So he requested me to help him. I was kind of reluctant at the beginning as I was enjoying my afternoon laze on a couch watching TV. But I relented at the end after his repetitive requests.

So I helped him with his construction and completed what he wanted.

An hour later, we decided to go out for a walk. I asked Xavier to keep the Lego sets and many of his toys while I packed up things for my son before we made the move. Like many other kids, Xavier refused. He just wanted to go and leave all his toys behind. I said firmly that he should keep his toys first especially the ones that I just brought for him.

Guess what he said next?

“You also played the toys, why aren’t you keeping the toys too?”

His question infuriated me. I raised my voice at him, “That was rude. Who is the one who wanted to play first? Am I not the one who brought you the toys? On whose request that I played together with you?”

“Go and keep those toys!” I shouted.

He followed my instruction silently. I don’t know whether he understood what I said. Or he just did it out of fear.

I didn’t know how to better explain the situation to Xavier. I was angry because I felt manipulated. How can a four-year-old be so cunning? When I explained what happened to my wife, she didn’t think Xavier did it on purpose. He probably has a faint idea of what fairness is. He had applied it inappropriately. What do you guys think?

Speckypilot, as the name suggests, is a pilot who wears glasses and a father of one child. You can visit his blog at Specky Pilot.

Filed Under: Blog

About Abel Cheng

I am a work-at-home father and chauffeur to my 2 children. I love minimalist lifestyle with emphasis on quality over quantity. Lastly, I am the founder of ParentWonder, which shares tips on becoming better parents.

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