Constant quarrelling in a marriage is exhausting, not just for husband and wife but for the children, extended family and even the neighbors who are forced to listen to it! Surely life would be more enjoyable if you could both agree to try and tone down the arguments and pay attention to what one another needs.
There are many things couples argue about. Top of the list for most couples is money; there’s not enough, one person is earning more than the other, one person is spending more than the other, someone is thrifty, someone is a spender and so it goes on.
Another popular quarrel topic is the kids, their disciplining, their friends, clothing them, educating them and whatever else comes to mind on any given day.
Aside from the Top Two, there is what to cook, where to go on vacation, whether or not to renovate, holidays, weight loss, bills piling up and before you know it, you can’t have a civilized conversation without attacking each other.
Is this how you want life to be?
Others might witness your relationship and think “they just can’t communicate”, whereas you might believe that that’s how you communicate. If what you’re doing works, then you only have yourselves to worry about but you really must try not to let it filter into the lives of others.
If, however, you see the error of your ways and realize that you are inflicting your lousy communication habits upon others, then you may seek the advice of a counselor who can help you to learn more effective ways of discussing problems and raising issues.
You might even come to understand that there is a better way of talking to each other and of trying to accommodate each other’s needs in life. Life’s too short to spend it miserable and when you can’t wake up with a smile on your face, and offer to put one on your spouse’s face, then it’s time to evaluate what you’re doing to each other.
Sometimes, improving communication is as easy as changing the words you use:
- Instead of “What do you want?” try “What would you like?”
- Instead of “Why are you spending all my money?” try “We really should discuss what we spend our money on before we spend it.”
- Instead of “You’re too fat to eat that!” try suggesting a healthier alternative that your spouse might enjoy.
Try giving praise for even small things like a dinner you enjoyed, a job well done or simply the fact that your spouse smells nice. Compliments and flattery – if sincere – go a long way to improving a relationship.