Ed. Note: Matt Furey is a man of multiple talents. To begin with, he is a wrestler and Chinese kung fu master. He is also a bestselling author in the area of self-empowerment. It’s interesting to see a “violent” guy talks about spanking. With permission, I have reproduced his article on how he handles spanking. Read on to find out what he has to say.
Over the past two weeks Iâ€™ve been listening to accusations of child abuse involving NFL running back Adrian Peterson and his four-year old son.
The allegations go way beyond a slap or swat on the rumpus. Word is that the boy sustained welts and bruises all over his body. Some of the wounds supposedly drew blood.
Last Wednesday, whilst driving to practice Tai Chi, I turned on the radio and instead of music, I listened to a call-in show. Guess what the topic of conversation was?
â€œShould you spank your child and if you do, when does a spanking cross the line and equal abuse?â€
Both men and women rang the station. The announcer himself talked about how he got beat regularly by his parents â€“ and even told how he doesnâ€™t just threaten his children with â€œthe beltâ€ â€“ because threats arenâ€™t sufficient.
Yep, at times he takes off the belt andÂ gives his children an unspecified number of lashes.
Although i was only listening for about 40 minutes, I didnâ€™t hear a single parent say that spanking your child is wrong under any and all circumstances.
Neither will I.
But what I will say is what was taught to me long ago by an Aikido martial arts master.
To paraphrase the story:
One day an Aikido master saw a father angrily beating his child. As he hit the boy, the father yelled and screamed.
The master interrupted the scene and pulled the boyâ€™s father to the side. In typical Zen fashion, he did NOT condemn the father for his actions. Instead, he gave him another way of experiencing life with his son.
â€œYou can hit your son anytime you want,â€ said the Aikido master. â€œBut ONLY under one condition.â€
â€œWhatâ€™s the condition?â€ the man asked.
â€œWhen you hit him, you cannot do so with anger. You can only spank him if you feel love in your heart for your child.â€
The next time the boy stepped out of line, the father remembered the masterâ€™s advice. Instead of hitting him, he rid himself of the anger and replaced it with love.â€
Surprisingly, after doing this, he felt no need to hit his son. He spoke to him instead â€“ taking his time to teach him right from wrong.
The father did not hit his son that day. Or any other day thereafter.
Because it is almost impossible to hit or spank a child when you are not angry with him. If you take the time to clear your anger and replace it with love, chances are youâ€™ll rethink how you handle your interaction with your child.
Now, you might think the above is â€œjust a story.â€
Itâ€™s not. Itâ€™s real life.
There are many parents who actually believe if they donâ€™t hit their child, the child will NOT respect them. Or obey.
There are many ways to win the respect and obedience of your children without spanking them. And no, Iâ€™m not talking about â€œtimeouts.â€
Iâ€™m talking about challenging them in a physical way that highlights â€œwhoâ€™s the bossâ€ without hurting anyone.
For example, is it plausible that Adrian Peterson could lightly wrestle with his son to get the point across?
Come here, son. You donâ€™t want to listen? Okay, letâ€™s wrestle for a few minutes and if you can beat me, then you call the shots.
Iâ€™m betting that it would be a great match. Adrianâ€™s son would squirm and maneuver with all his might â€“ yet be controlled with light pressure. Iâ€™m also willing to bet the match would end with laughter and a very different level of respect.
No belts necessary. No switches. No punches, hits or slaps.
Just the tentacles of a giant human octopus (thatâ€™s what heâ€™ll feel like to his son).
Yes, I realize a lot of parents think they arenâ€™t physically fit enough to wrestle with their children. But an NFL football player does fit the mould of someone who can.
Controlling your child with the least amount of force necessary makes a lot more sense than whacking him with your fist â€“ or hitting him with a belt or switch.
As Iâ€™ve observed, parents who feel they must spank their children, rarely make a lasting impression. Thatâ€™s why so many of them feel the need to spank their children so often.
Having a heart-to-heart with your child may not feel very easy for you. Using a belt or switch might seem like itâ€™s much faster, quicker and easier.
As a parent, I can tell you that the word is mightier than the belt. Your children will remember your words and use them to make themselves better, if you choose them wisely.
About all theyâ€™ll remember from the beatings is the desire to â€œpass it on.â€
Here endeth todayâ€™s lesson.
For unorthodox parenting tips, check out The Nonconformistâ€™s Guide to Parenting.