If you are not familiar, “Celaka” is a Malay word equivalent to “damn it”, or “shit.”

Although it is not a good word, the bad word taught me a powerful parenting lesson last Friday.

Last weekend was a long one as we had public holidays on Monday and Tuesday.

So there was no school for my nine-year-old J.

Due to the long weekend, the teachers gave a lot of homework to make up for the holidays.

While going through her homework, J was mumbling to herself and complaining about her homework on hand and suddenly she blurted, “Not only do I have to answer this, but I also have to color it. Celaka!”

My wife and I were shocked to hear what J had said. Because this is the first time she ever said the word “celaka.”

Though in shock, we laughed at it because J said it so lightheartedly.

But on a serious note, this is no laughing matter.

Where did J pick that word up? Who taught her the rude word?

As a matter of fact – and I’ll admit – she picked that word up from me!

I am the culprit. I say “celaka” a lot. It’s like it has become a habit.

I am not surprised if J picked it up.

So what’s the lesson?

Children pick up and learn whatever the parents do and say. They are like sponge and absorb everything that comes their way – good and bad.

It’s important that parents exert some kind of control not to display bad behavior when children are around… of course, unless you want them to pick up the bad things.

Better still, why not kick it up a notch?

Regard children as your moral and behavioral police to guard you off of negative behavior. Take this as a challenge for you to change and improve as a person.

(Yes children can be our teachers.)

On the other hand, by refraining yourself from negative behavior, your child will not pick up anything negative from you.

It works both ways. It’s a perfect solution.

Hope that when I meet you next time, I will not say the word “celaka” anymore.

P.S. I’ll be launching my new book “The Uncensored Guide to Parenting” soon.

To get notified when the book is ready, join the notification list.

Photo Credit: Miguel Ángel Arroyo Ortega

You bet.

If you think it hasn’t, think again. Apple has successfully taken over children’s life.

Here’s the proof:

A teacher had asked the students in a French kindergarten in Vancouver to come up with words that start with the letter “i.”

And guess what?

From an answer sheet, 6 out of 10 words are related to Apple products. And the kids are not left behind as one of the answers is iCloud (unveiled by the late Steve Jobs in June 2011).

Maybe you think this is an exaggeration.

But take a look at this.

You wouldn’t argue with me if I say that children as young as two are using iPad.

And if that is not enough, I always spot iPad (or iPhone) being the modern day nanny and it makes great dinner companion too.

The kids live in their own world and there is little interaction going on at the dinner table.

This is just the tip of an iceberg that Apple is penetrating every level of our lives.

Now, before you accuse me of being old-fashioned and someone who refuses to accept modern technology, I hereby declare that I am not against Apple and any tech gadgets for that matter.

The gadget is not without its benefits.

What concerns me is tools are still tools and they are invented to make our life easier and more productive.

And how productive could that be if your child remains silent and busy tapping the screen of the iPad while having dinner with family and friends?

How does it make your child’s life easier if his head is full of vocabulary of Apple products?

This calls for a serious thought on the usage of high tech gadgets.

I don’t agree if you let your child hold on to the iPad 24/7. As if that your child works as a customer support for a mission critical company.

No matter what, here’s the bottom line: Don’t let modern technology take over your child’s life. There’s more to life than Apple (or any other gadget).

That’s not all.

When you are into it, you keep chasing the latest models. You want to get the new shiny gadget as soon as they launch. You are teaching your child that buying products is the way of life. We all know that this is not a healthy trend and consumer debt is the largest factor that contributes to bankruptcy.

Cut this out and teach your child prudence spending before it’s too late.

Happiness should be internally-driven and should not be dependent on what gadget you have.

If you are with me, you can find no cost activities and cheap DIY games (which you can’t download from the App Store) that your child can play in my new book “The Uncensored Guide to Parenting.”

To get notified when it is ready, swipe over and join the notification list at:

http://www.parentwonder.com/uncensored-guide/

It’s nothing obscene here. And it’s nothing like what you are thinking.

This is about a video of a woman having an awe-gasm…

Not the body but the brain.

To be more precise it’s an animation which was compiled from sequential brain scans of a woman on the big “O.”

You might know how it feels like having an orgasm. But you have not seen it.

Now for the first time, you can actually visualize an orgasm.

The scientist behind the study is Professor Barry Komisaruk.

And who was the guinea pig?

It’s Nan Wise, a 54-year-old PhD student and sex therapist in Prof Komisaruk’s lab.

She agreed to do the test by hooking up to a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scanner.

She stimulated herself while the machine took “snapshots” of her brain every two seconds, across 80 different regions.

The snapshots recorded how the brain responded when Nan was approaching, experiencing, and recovering from an awe-gasm.

During the climax, the oxygen levels in the brain increased in certain parts of the brain and it’s represented on a spectrum from dark red (lowest) to yellow/white (highest) in the video.

Wanna have a look? Here’s the video:

Interesting, eh?

However this bunch of scientists didn’t do this just for fun.

They wanted to find out what goes wrong when men and women can’t reach orgasm, how orgasm builds up and which parts of the brains are responsible for it.

Also, as Prof Komisaruk said, “We’re using orgasm as a way of producing pleasure. If we can learn how to activate the pleasure regions of the brain then that could have wider applications.”

We’ll see.

But in the meantime, if you have problems giving your wife awe-gasms, why not get your hand on this amazing guide:

The Female Orgasm Secrets Revealed

Check out the ebook about female awe-gasms while you are there (first left item on the footer).

But if you are already giving your partner a good amount of awe-gasms on a regular basis, don’t bother.

See Also…

Love Making Tips for Wives: Surprise Your Husband in Bed

Love Making Tips For Husbands: Your Spouse Will Be Pleased

Photo Credit: Andrew Magill

It seems like it’s a highly popular topic.

A quick check reveals that there are many websites on frugality.

Not only that, almost all financial gurus ask you to be frugal.

I am not against the idea of being frugal but here’s my own concept of frugality… but with a twist.

Let’s step back and think of it for a moment: what is money?

Money is the medium or exchange to get what you want.

As you can see, money is not at all important.

It’s what it can bring you IS.

If you are so thrifty that you deprive yourself of a quality life then frugality means nothing to you.

Yes you must save. But you shouldn’t save on things that can bring true happiness to you.

Instead you should splash on things that you really CARE about.

Let me give you some personal examples.

While I will try to save on clothing by buying them during sale, I still buy expensive gadgets and utensils that I love.

I bought a MacBook Pro in October 2010. (You would never go back to Windows after getting hooked on a Mac. Sorry I digress.)

And I bought a kitchen utensil (they call it the smallest kitchen) for $2,000. If you are at all interested to find out what it is, check out my review of this superb machine here.

I bought high quality latex mattresses.

I spend on high quality food produce (eg: organic vegetables, nuts and seeds).

I rather go traveling than spend on the latest tech gadgets.

As you can see, you should not sacrifice the quality of life in the name of frugality.

Again, I am not saying you should not be frugal but when it comes to things that you really love (and those that can enhance your quality of life), by all means get the highest quality products.

The way I see it is 100% frugal is pointless.

And occasional self indulgence is good.

Here’s a warning though: you only splash on things that you can afford to pay cash.

Otherwise, your life will not be of any quality if you accumulate tons of debts.

P.S. To turn the tables on credit card debt and stop foreclosure, this is one of a kind system to do so. Click here for full details.

Michelle Obama didn’t tell anyone which dress she picked until that night itself.

In the end, as you might already know now, she wore a glorious white one-shoulder gown.

And the designer is the then 27-year old Jason Wu (吴季刚).

Merely getting your dress shortlisted by the First Lady is a far-fetched dream for many designers out there, let alone being chosen and worn.

However I am not interested in Mrs Obama’s dresses, what she wears and what not.

But what intrigued me is the little-known story behind this young Taiwan-born fashion designer.

Here’s the thing:

If his mother would have done what other parents did, there might be a strong reason that Jason would NOT have become what he is today: a famous icon in the fashion world.

Since he was very young (probably 5 or so), Jason liked to play with dolls. He liked to dress up dolls with beautiful dresses. It’s so “bad” that until one stage, Jason’s teacher had to summon his mother and told her to stop him from playing and concentrate more on studies.

After all, for a boy, playing with dolls is very unsexy.

Now imagine this: If you had a boy who was indulging in a girly activity so intense that it affected his academic performance, what would you do?

In today’s dog eat dog world, this would be the standard reply, “Son, you’d better drop your dolls and pay more attention to your studies. That girl-girl thing would not make you a lot of money. You’d better study hard and become a doctor, or else…”

Fortunately for Jason, her mother didn’t say that.

In fact she did the opposite. She stopped Jason from going to “mainstream” school in Taiwan that didn’t see her son’s special talent. She took 9-year old Jason and migrated to faraway land Canada to let him hone his skills in dressing up dolls: fashion design.

Most parents would have done it the other way around.

But his mother knew the importance of discovering a child’s talent and let it shine. His mother knew doing what the majority was doing was not going to help his son. His mother knew to be happy and successful, one had to follow his passion – no matter how silly it may look.

The rest is history and Jason Wu has become one of Mrs Obama’s favorite designers ever since. And he is only 30 this year.

If there’s one person that you want to give credit for Jason’s success, I think you will agree with me it would be his mother.

If you just focus on academic excellence and nothing else, and you child is not the academic type, you child can’t compete with others and the chances of being great are very slim. When he feels that every thing he does is inferior compared to his peers, his self-esteem goes south. And he feels that he is someone who is not “favored” and he is useless.

You can’t put a square peg in a round hole. You don’t ask a dog to be a lion.

In the same manner, forget what the school tells you. What we need to do as parents is to groom our child based on his strengths, talents, and passion. Just like what Jason’s mother did to him… and nothing else.

Of course, not every parent can abandon his home country and travel far for his child’s sake. But the least we can do is observe, listen, and give what your child craves. Help him nurture his natural talent, and not the one that you impose on him.

You won’t go wrong by taking this unpopular path.

Note: In my new book “The Uncensored Guide to Parenting,” every tip is geared toward helping your child bloom (like flower) to be what he is born to be – not necessarily academic wise.

To get notified when the book is ready, join the notification list.

Photo Credit: Paolo Camera

Every year I go back to my hometown to celebrate Chinese New Year with my folks and brothers.

This year is no exception.

Chinese around the globe will celebrate the first day of the lunar calendar this coming Monday, January 23.

(This year 2012 is the year of the water dragon.)

While I have my share of happy moments during CNY (especially when I was small), there is one thing that I can’t stand that pops up during the Spring Festival.

Here it is:

Many self-proclaimed Chinese asstrologists and feng shui masters appear on TV, radio, and newspaper and will predict how the new year will unfold and what is auspicious and what is not – in the areas of wealth, health, career, and love.

For Chinese, of course, the tips are given according to your animal zodiac.

What drives me crazy is the predictions are just too general and the advice given is too universal that you don’t need an expert to tell you what to do.

That means if you are born in the year of the snake, you will share the same “fate” with the rest of fellow snake babies who were born in the same year.

How could that possible?

And the advice?

Eat healthy. Don’t break law. Invest carefully. Be sensitive to people. Be patient. Spend wisely.

Aren’t these things you already know? Do you need them to tell you the obvious?

Some experts even ask you to buy ornaments to put in the south-west corner of your house so that you’ll have a smooth sailing year ahead.

Duh.

I mean no disrespect but let me tell you this:

Although you don’t have a choice to pick where you were born, but there are things in life that you can change. What you do today determines your tomorrow.

Heard of the saying: You reap what you sow?

Your life is not bound by what the experts or asstrologists say. You have the free will to do what you want and you have the power to control your destiny.

Don’t get me wrong, apart from this “little” complaint, I STILL enjoy CNY.

Best of all, I enjoy the time being together with family and friends.

This is the best time to catch up with friends and relatives, far and near.

I also take this opportunity to let my children to mingle with friends that we don’t meet that often. I want to show J and K family togetherness and friendship are an important part of our lives.

Of course, what’d CNY be without mandarin oranges and lion dance… and yeah, the food!

In any case, I want to wish you and your family a…

Happy, Healthy, and Wealthy Chinese New Year!

May you and your children be well and happy.

Note: In fact my upcoming parenting book will contain no predictions but real life tips that you can use immediately.

Should be ready soon, I think.

To hop on the notification list, click here.

And he is not even married.

But why should you listen to him?

I first heard about Bruno Mars from my teenage nephew.

He caught my attention because he is an awesome singer.

As I said, although this 25-year old songwriter-turned-singer from Hawaii is still single, there’s one song that can really teach us about the secret to long lasting relationships.

The song in question is “Just the Way You Are”.

The title explains it all.

Before marriage, everything we see is rosy. Our partner is angel and you tend to overlook his or her weaknesses.

Everything goes haywire once we get married. The OPPOSITE is true: We  ignore our partner’s strengths and magnify his/her weaknesses.

When this happens, quarrels become a daily affair. And marriage gets worse by the day. Sadly, many choose the path of no return and file for divorce.

They forget why they got together in the first place. Why they attracted to each other.

It’s not an overstatement that most marital problems can be solved by accepting your partner whole-heartedly – including his/her shortcomings and character flaws. And there’s not a thing that we should try to change in our partner.

Take home this: Trying to change a person is a GRAVE mistake.

That’s the exact message of the song.

Anyway, if you want to take a look at the vid, here it is:

(BTW, the girl in the MTV is so cute. But don’t tell my wife I said it.)

Isn’t it beautiful (I mean the song, not the girl)? Isn’t it the way we want our partner to treat us?

And to be fair, we must do the same too.

Anyway, for more marriage-saving tips that work, go to:

Save My Marriage Today

Specifically, if you are a husband trying to save your marriage, check out Michael Cross’ The Marriage Savior System.

You’ll find out why marriage counseling doesn’t work and… TALKING kills your relationships.

Photo Credit: flikr

Normally it’s difficult for the kids to do something new.

But sometimes it can turn out to be fun.

Here’s the story:

I made an aggressive change to our family diet last year and I have brought home many foods that were unheard of before the change.

Anything that’s good for the body, I would introduce to the kids.

One of them is leeks.

At first, I was skeptical that J and K would accept it.

One day I used leeks to prepare fish alongside ginger and soy bean paste.

And since it was never made it to our dinner table, J asked me what leek was.

I replied her with a short answer, “Leek.”

Then I saw her licking the leek and put it on the table – just like how people enjoy delicious prawn shells or crab shells.

Only seconds later did it dawn on me that she must be thinking that I asked her to “lick” while in fact I was telling her the name of the vegetable: “leek.”

(Or maybe I have to polish up my pronunciation of the word…)

I explained to her I didn’t ask her to lick but to tell her the name of the healthy plant.

We both laughed.

In fact I forgot about the whole incident until J brought it up a few days ago when I put leek again in another dish that I prepared.

So remember it’s a waste to just lick the leek and not having it in your tummy because it’s yummy and healthy.

When you introduce a new food to your child, don’t give up too soon if he refuses to eat. Research shows that it takes 8-15 tries before a child can accept it.

If you have problems getting your child to eat healthy, I’ll show how I get J and K to do just that in my new book “The Uncensored Guide to Parenting.”

To get notified when it is ready, jump on board the notification list: Uncensored Guide to Parenting.

Photo Credit: Joel Olives

While my coming to 6 years old son K is not considered a TV fanatic, he does sit in front of the idiot box sometimes.

Two of his favorite programs are SpongeBob SquarePants (the yellow thing, you know?) and local production Upin & Ipin.

Sometimes I watch with him.

As I watch, I find SpongeBob is funny and the storyline is intriguing.

No wonder it’s so darn popular.

Once Bitten…

In one episode, SpongeBob’s pet snail was biting anyone he bumped into. Gary was a nice guy but that day he turned into someone that’s not him.

He became violent.

Based on his observations (which were always wrong), Patrick (SpongeBob’s neighbor and best friend) derived that Gary was responsible for causing a disease called Mad Snail Disease – which turned anyone into a zombie after being bitten by Gary.

The scary part was Mad Snail Disease was airborne.

The news spread like wild fire and sooner than you thought, the whole Bikini Bottom town was under high alert.

Everyone was very scared of getting the MSD.

But the funny thing was everyone seemed to take Patrick’s opinion as gospel.

They believed what he said.

Not one soul questioned if MSD made sense until…

A “snail expert” stepped out and dismissed that there’s no disease as Mad Snail Disease.

But why was Gary biting anyone he saw?

It was due to a sharp object that pierced into his body. The pain in the body caused him to bite.

That’s why.

It had nothing to do with the MSD.

Moral of the Story

Anyway, this brings to my point:

Do you simply take parenting advice from any “Patrick”? Without thinking about how true it is?

Do you just follow blindly what other parents are doing without considering whether they are good for your child?

Not all parenting tips are created equal. You have to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Having the right perspective can make a big difference in your parenting journey.

I love to stick to the basics and something simple. Nothing fancy and overhyped.

And here’s the biggie: I always find myself going against the crowds. And it takes courage to stick to your guns.

P.S. I am going to launch a parenting book called “The Uncensored Guide to Parenting” soon.

You’ll never find any MSD kind of tips in my book except those that have been used by me.

To be notified when my Uncensored Guide to Parenting is available, hop on the notification list at:

http://www.parentwonder.com/uncensored-guide/

Photo Credit: doug wilson

New school year started last week here.

Obviously many parents are busy when they send off their child to school for the first time.

From the crowds I see in front of the school, they are more nervous than the child.

They are not sure how their child handles in the new environment.

New friends. New teachers.

And worst of all, away from home and parents.

This is not only about kindergartens but also primary schools.

After sending off their child, the parents are worried and they stay back in school to “make sure” their child is doing fine.

But the challenge is you must not be seen by your child. So a game of hide-and-seek begins between the parent and the child.

Seriously, this is no joke. And no fun. I experienced it myself.

Your child cries. But you can’t go near him as you know very well this will make the situation even worse.

The only thing you can do is to peep through the window or behind a pillar.

But that doesn’t help either.

Funny thing is you are there to make sure thing is okay but you feel helpless because you can’t do it from a distance.

You can’t go near him because you know if you do, it’s harder for the child to adapt in the new school environment. You want him to be independent, not dependent on you.

Your stay turns out to be a heart-wrenching moment for you and your child.

Best thing to do?

So you think your presence in school would make things easier for your child is actually not what you think it is.

Then what can I do? You ask.

Simple.

After sending your child off, go home or go to work straight. Don’t stay back. Don’t peep.

That’s it.

It makes things easy for everyone: you, the child, and the teachers.

It’s simple but I didn’t say it’s easy. It took me a while to learn the art of letting go and the feelings of wanting to stay.

As I look back, we tend to over-worry about things and we underestimate how flexible and adaptive a small kid can be. They can survive better than us in any situation.

Trust me, if you don’t stay back in school after sending off your child, he will be okay sooner than if you stay.

It’s not easy but you can do it.

If you can’t let go when your child goes to an enclosed and protected environment (ie: school), think what will happen when he goes out to the real world after he grows up.

Upcoming Guide

I will share more “against the norm” parenting tips in my soon to be launched book “The Uncensored Guide to Parenting.”

To get on the notification list, click here.

See Also:

First Days in School

How to make school enjoyable