1923 Leica

Pop quiz today.

“What is the world’s most expensive camera?”

Nope, the $100,000 Phantom V1610 doesn’t even come close.

The answer is the 1923 Leica with a whopping 2.16 million euros. Or $2.8M.

The German-built camera was bought by an anonymous bidder at an auction recently.

However expensive the camera, there’s one thing it still can’t do.

I remember I read about a professional photographer who shared that to be a successful photographer, it’s 70% photographer and 30% camera.

That means even though you own the world’s most expensive camera, you still need to learn to take good pictures. The main factor still lies in the person, not the tool he uses.

Same goes to sports cars. Even though you can afford a Ferrari, that fact alone doesn’t make you the fastest driver on the planet.

By the same token, you can’t buy your way to be a good parent. And I don’t care how rich you are.

Being a parent does not mean you have to be the first to get the latest, fastest, thinnest, highest, biggest, or the most expensive stuff.

It’s not the toys you buy that makes you a great parent. It’s not the fashion that makes you great. It’s not the most expensive dinner you buy for your child.

It is YOU.

YOU are the determining factor that decides whether you’re a great dad or a great mom. NOT what you buy for your kids.

Good news is you don’t need a lot of munny to be a good parent.

All you need is to commit to be one and apply some timeless parenting principles that work regardless of what you have or don’t have.

To learn more about these tips, check out The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting.

Photo Credit: D. Sharon Pruitt

No parenting lesson today.

I hope you don’t mind I occasionally talk about something other than parenting.

Something hit me and I wanted to share with you.

Here goes.

It’s human nature.

We take things for granted.

We neglect things we have – especially those that come easy.

We don’t appreciate them and nurture them everyday as we should.

We assume those things will be here forever. We only realize it’s not true after we lose them.

Little do we know anything can happen and sometimes things can happen at the most unexpected hours.

You heard about the last Wednesday’s plane crash in Java, Indonesia?

Just as other news, I didn’t feel anything uncommon about the crash that killed all 45 people on board.

I only found out two days later that one of the victims is my friend’s brother-in-law.

Only then did I scour the web for more info about the crash.

Only then did I start to think what would I do if someone close to me was the victim.

Only then did I get worried how would my friend’s sister (the wife of the victim) continue her life without a husband.

When you know someone in a tragedy, it changes how you see and feel about the news.

My friend’s brother-in-law was living a jet-setting life and he was in town end April to celebrate his mother-in-law’s birthday.

Who would have expected that in less than 2 weeks, he would be gone forever.

To make things worse, his wife is now pregnant and due in July.

Suddenly, the world she used to have changed forever.

No warnings.

Nothing.

This story can happen to anyone. We won’t be able to predict what is in store for us tomorrow.

I may be gone tomorrow. Nobody knows.

That’s why we have to appreciate what we have. Don’t get busy for nothing. Stop taking things for granted.

To me, things that matter most in life are family and friends, health, freedom, and happiness.

When was the last time you had dinner with your family?

When was the last time you visited your folks back in hometown?

When was the last time you read story to your child?

When was the last time you said I love you to your spouse?

When was the last time you slowed down and enjoyed the trees and the birds in your neighborhood?

When was the last time you had a good laugh that made you cry?

Take some time everyday to appreciate even the tiniest things and people around you. As you can see, you don’t need to be wealthy to put a smile on your face and enjoy life.

Don’t wait until calamity strikes to wake you up to important things.

Perhaps by then, it might be too late already.

Live well and live fully.

Photo Credit: Jackie

“Love Is a Four Letter Word” is the title of Jason Mraz’s fourth studio album.

It was launched less than a month ago.

(BTW, I love “I Won’t Give Up” and “The Freedom Song” from this album.)

I was first attracted to Jason when I heard on the radio his song “I’m Yours.”

His songs are inspiring, light, upbeat, and easy-going.

Love ‘em!

But for now, let’s talk about the four letter word.

In fact, L-O-V-E is more than a four letter word.

Do you know love means different thing to different people?

If you use your definition of love onto your child, he might not get it. Because his love language is different from yours.

This is what I mean: If you buy a present thinking that your child will get the feeling that you love him, you might be in for a shock.

Before you start showering your love to your child, you must find out his LOVE language.

LOVE is a four letter word… and it has five types of languages:

1. Acts of service

2. Words of affirmation

3. Getting gifts

4. Physical touch

5. Quality time

For a normal person, he can have multiple love languages. But there’s only one that is dominant. That is the primary love language.

(For the record, I didn’t invent this. Credit has to be given when it’s due. The 5 love languages are developed by famous marriage and family expert Dr. Gary Chapman.)

How do you know what makes your child tick?

Simple.

Just ask him what his primary love language is. That’s it.

When you want to show your love and you want your child to feel appreciated and loved, focus on his primary love language.

For example, if your child’s primary love language is physical touch, he will be happy just by giving him a hug or a loving touch. (No presents needed. Isn’t that cool?)

My wife asked the same question to J and K.

For J, her primary love language is quality time, followed by receiving gifts and acts of service.

And for K, his primary love languages are quality time and physical touch.

Find out your child’s primary love language and you’ll never have to give love without being appreciated.

However, there’s a fine line between the four letter word and spoiling your child. Learn about the difference of the two at:

http://www.parentwonder.com/nonconformists-guide/

Photo Credit: fPat Murray

It’s true. I’m not lying.

If you bump into me, I am just a regular guy with uncombed hair clad in T-shirt and shorts.

Sometimes, the shirt is even torn. Or with missing buttons.

I am not sure about you but worn-out clothes are the most comfortable thing in the world.

And I walk in a pair of beach slippers.

My underwear?

Of course I wear one but without someone’s name printed on it with big, bold letters. And I don’t purposely wear baggy pants and expose the brand of the underwear to others – like most people do.

I told you I am not sexy and I know it.

That’s my appearance.

But what about my parenting style?

It’s the same. It’s far from sexy.

Many friends and people who know me think how I parent J and K is very unsexy.

They feel I am too extreme.

They think I am not buying enough toys for my kids.

They think I give them too little freedom.

They are uneasy because I insist on saying no even though that makes the kids cry.

In short, they can’t find a tinge of glamour in what I do as a parent.

But seriously, do I care what they think of me?

Heck no!

Not one bit that I care whether I am sexy or otherwise.

Because in the “unsexiness,” I strongly believe that I am on the right track to raise my two little children.

Who cares about looking sexy anyway?

What others think of you is not important. Doing the right things IS.

Doing the right things to bring up children who…

• can take care of themselves
• appreciate what they have rather than what they don’t have
• are well-behaved
• are happy even with the tiniest things
• are healthy

… is more important than anything.

Should I strike a chord with you, I welcome you to read more about how I use unsexy ways to bring up sexy children.

More details at:

The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting

Photo Credit: Scott Kinmartin

I find this statistics interesting… and disturbing too.

It’s about meat consumption of the homo sapiens.

The data, gathered by the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) and analyzed by The Economist, indicates that we eat more meat now compared to the last 50 years. From 70m tons to 268m tons in 2007.

Let’s take a look at the kings of carnivores of the world as well as countries who consume the least meat.

Meat consumption per kg per person, 2007.

Top 5 meat eaters:

1. Luxembourg – 136.5 kg
2. United States – 125.4
3. Australia – 121.2
4. New Zealand – 115.7
5. Spain – 110.2

Bottom 5:

1. Rwanda – 5.5
2. Burundi – 5.1
3. Democratic Republic of the Congo – 4.7
4. Bangladesh – 4.0
5. India – 3.2

(What about Malaysia? It’s ranked 77 with 48.1 kg meat consumption a year.)

To get an idea how much meat we eat, I did a quick search and found that Big Mac weighs 90 g (or 3.2 oz for 2 patties). That means Americans eat approximately 3.85 Big Mac a day or 115 a month.

(If you take the normal hamburgers, double the numbers.)

That’s a lot of meat, I must say.

Anyway there’s more about the stats.

Even the tastes have changed. In 1960s, cow (beef and veal) was the most favored meat – accounting 40% of meat consumption. But now pork is the meat of choice.

It’s disturbing to see many of us have become Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything else.

The question is are we designed to eat so much meat?

I personally don’t think so. That was what drove me to change our family diet more than a year ago – for health reasons.

And we never look back.

As with changing other habits, it’s not easy for us to adapt to the new diet but we managed to pull it through.

To learn more about our changed and improved family diet, gallop to:

http://www.parentwonder.com/nonconformists-guide/

I am glad it has nothing to do with this FAO-compiled stats. Or becoming T. rex like everyone does.

Photo Credit: Cia de Foto

There’s so much confusion.

Everybody is chasing their own tail and not sure what they are doing.

Yes I am talking about parenting.

They think what they are doing is parenting but actually it’s not.

Here are a few examples of what parenting is not:

1. Parenting is not about solving every problem of your child – on his behalf.

2. Parenting is not about getting the latest toys and fashion.

3. Parenting is not about sending your child to as many classes as possible.

4. Parenting is not about outsourcing to others (and yes that includes iPad, computer, TV, and even your mom or dad).

5. Parenting is not about substituting your time with presents.

6. Parenting is not about pleasing your child unnecessarily.

7. Parenting is not about asking your child to get as many A’s as possible.

8. Parenting is not about asking your child to turn YOUR dreams into reality.

This list is just a fraction of what could easily be a longer list which is impossible for me to list down all.

I know you’ll ask:

You have so many examples of what parenting is not. But what is parenting then?

Good question. And now I got you thinking.

This is where most parents get wrong. Or they are confused with what is and what is not.

In fact, when I was in the process of writing my book one day, the idea just hit me like lightning and I quickly wrote that down.

I call it the ultimate goal of parenting.

If you have bought my book “The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting,” then you’d have read about it.

If you haven’t, get a copy of the book at:

http://www.parentwonder.com/nonconformists-guide/

Having the right mindset about parenting is like removing invisible one-ton baggage off your shoulders.

It’s relieving.

It’s liberating.

It’s empowering.

But some of these can give you one hell of a lesson, if you do.

One excellent example is an article I read recently.

Here’s the story:

A house is everyone’s dream and people work hard the whole life to own one.

But not for this actress who has sold off her house – voluntarily.

Her plan is to go homeless for a year to experience life.

She gave up her house (and everything but 4 changes of clothes and daily essentials) and travels around the country by sleeping in a couch of a friend’s house or a budget hotel.

She wants to feel how it is like to detach from madterial possessions.

It’s weird I know.

“The journey has been tiring but the experience has been enriching,” says the actress. “Through this project, I hope to get to know our society and its people a little better.”

This example may be too extreme for some but the homeless-by-choice lady proves one point:

Endless accumulation of madterials should not be the focus of our lives but accumulating life experiences is.

Keeping up with the Joneses is not part of our lifestyle but doing things you love is.

It’s only natural that we teach this to our children.

That’s why I always encourage J and K to focus on doing things and experiencing life.

The best way to teach children about this “secret” of life is by doing it yourself… and ask them to join you.

It can be as big as traveling around the globe. Or as small as flying a kite in the park.

It doesn’t matter what but just do something.

Check out The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting for activities I do with my children (not limited to games only).

Photo Credit: ellenm1

I see something interesting among my kids.

It started a few years back with J. But now, K is also part of the picture.

I notice that they always come up with their own games to kill time.

To give you an idea, here are some of things they have done:

1. started a mini watch shop: created watches with sketches on paper.

2. created own books: inside, you’ll find paintings and stories.

3. setup a mini restaurant by using exiting blocks and soft toys.

4. J created her own version of snakes and ladders board game – dice and all.

5. J created her own crossword puzzle for K.

6. running a restaurant by taking order and preparing the food.

I could be wrong but I have a strong feeling that this has got to do with toys.

To be more accurate, limited toys.

You see I am not the type of father who drowns his children with toys until they can’t breathe.

I shamelessly admit I hardly buy toys for J and K.

Not entirely bad though.

Because they are “forced” to think of something new to beat boredom.

They are “forced” to create their own games… usually with limited supply of materials.

By doing so, they unconsciously stretch their little minds to invent something out of thin air.

This is quite cool actually.

On one hand, I don’t need to worry what toys to buy for them (read: save money) to keep them happy.

On the other hand, they have the room to be more creative.

Moral of the story?

Don’t over-shower your child with toys. When playing with toys, there’s a limit how far the child would stretch his mind.

Without toys, sky’s the limit. Children can make up anything when there are no rules.

Even a piece of paper can be turned into something alive and interesting.

For more out-of-the-ordinary parenting tips, go to:

The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting

Photo Credit: gnuckx

I hope this will not happen to your family.

I definitely don’t want this to happen again in my family as it seriously interrupts the workings of the household.

It surely disturbs even the littlest moments we enjoy each day with each other.

What happened?

On Sunday – April 8 – K was really hot to touch during dinner time. I thought it was a normal fever and I put him to bed right after dinner. He looked lifeless and lethargic – drastically different from his normal, active self.

The temperature was 39.1 degree Celsius.

Holy sh*t!

But I didn’t ask K to take any medication that night.

Came the following morning, he was still feverish (around 38.1 – 38.3 degrees). But that was one thing very apparent. He got sore throat.

Poor thing.

Not knowing what had actually happened to him, I asked him to gobble up our daily dosage of fruits and vegetables juice. You know how much it hurts to drink juice when you have sore throat. Up to a stage tears were rolling down from his face.

K didn’t go to school. I still waited and observed how it went. And with the hope that he recovered from his fever and be active again.

Against my will, K complained of severe pain in his throat on Tuesday night. With the intention of relieving his pains, I gave in and rushed him to a neighborhood clinic right before it closed.

It came as a shock to me that the doctor on duty that evening was so convincingly sure that K was contracted with hand, foot, and mouth disease (HFMD)!

I never thought it would happen to my kids. And I have to report the case the Healthy Ministry.

In fact, there’s no cure (and vaccination) for HFMD except for medications to relieve pain and inflammation.

HFMD Symptoms

After doing some research, here are the symptoms of HFMD:

Fever – first one or two days. Followed by blisters in the throat. Rash on the palms and soles after a few days.

How long does it take to recover? 7-10 days.

How does HFMD spread? Through saliva, mucus, or feces of an infected person. Strictly no sharing of food and no kissing please!

What to Do

The main thing you must make sure is the child infected with HFDM is to stay hydrated. Cook something soft/fluid that is easy to eat and swallow. Such as noodle soup and porridge. Ask him to drink lots of water.

It’s not easy to ask someone with HFMD to drink water as it hurts when he does. But luckily I had no problems getting K to drink.

And keep personal hygiene to the highest standards to prevent spreading and recurrence. Yes, you can get HFMD more than once!

In order not to spread to other kids in school, K self-quarantined for one whole week.

If you think this is bad, wait until you hear out the entire story.

On Wednesday, J felt sleepy in the afternoon (which was abnormal as she no longer naps). And she got a bit warm towards the evening.

My wife and I were mentally prepared to face another case of HFMD in our household.

As we anticipated, J complained of sore throat the next morning but she had already recovered from fever.

J skipped school for two days. And she felt sad over the absence.

J didn’t see doctor but she used the spray given to K by the doctor to spray on the throat to relieve the pain.

Both J and K did not have obvious rash on their palms and soles. The most painful part was the throat.

Thinking that that was the end of the HFMD virus attack.

The worst was not over yet, apparently.

My wife complained of body ache when she woke up on Friday morning.

“Oh, no!” I thought silently.

That’s the sign of fever (but J and K didn’t have body ache but only rise in body temperature). She took early leave from the office after noon as she felt very tired. Her temperature was not as high as J and K though and no apparent signs of fever.

The same thing happened to my wife the next morning as it did to J and K: sore throat.

But the pain was far more inflicting and it was so painful one night that she was waken up from sleep by the pain.

And she had more blisters in the throat than J and K did. She was forced to work from home for a week.

She was fully recovered on the 7th day. That was about the time both J and K recovered too.

Phew! Finally the “outbreak” is over.

3 out of 4 from the family knocked out by the stupid HFMD virus (most common ones are Coxsackie A virus and Enterovirus).

I am the only who is spared from it. Call it lucky or healthy?

You tell me.

Anyway, if you see similar symptoms in your child (hopefully not) – fever followed by sore throat – take note of the hygiene and make sure he takes lots of water.

It’s no fun when disaster strikes in this manner. But be calm and know what you are doing.

To get more and other parenting tips that challenge conventional wisdom, check out my recently launched book “The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting.”

More details at:

The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting

Photo Credit: Dan Zen

One evening just last week, K did something unusual.

You see on a normal evening, he’ll ask me (or my wife) to read to him before bed.

But that night, out of the blue, he felt bored “listening” to stories and he wanted to read the book himself, instead.

At one go, he finished reading two stories that evening: Hansel and Gretel and Little Red Riding Hood.

I thought that was it.

But the next day, after school, he picked up two story books and started his reading marathon.

I was doing my work and I felt it was unusually quiet. And I was wondering what K was up to.

Only then did I find out that he was sitting in the sofa quietly downloading words from the books to his little mind.

That day, as he told me, he finished reading 7 stories!

Wow.

That was quite an achievement for a 6-year who recently was only motivated to read if there’s a reward.

Things have changed now.

And there’s no turning back.

When I asked him, he said reading for the joy of it is MORE fun than reading in exchange for a round of video game, for example.

That was what I was trying to tell him all this while… and finally he gets it.

However I have a confession to make:

I used to worry about how soon and how well J and K would pick up reading.

But not anymore.

As you can see, they now can pick up anything and read… even K – without the need to “bribe.”

This is the result of a SIMPLE thing we do since they were babies.

One thing we do consistently every night. Well, sort off…

Now we are enjoying the fruit of having kids who love reading.

I know this seems like a difficult (or even impossible) task for some parents.

Because some children rather watch TV than read.

Rather play computer games than read.

Rather exercise their fingers on the iPad than read.

It traces back to how you brought them up, really.

But if you do what we do, I believe your child will be bitten by the reading bug in no time.

It’s so simple that you won’t believe it. No we don’t use any tools or gadgets for this. It’s so basic (not battery-operated) that you’ll beat yourself up for not doing it.

But it requires discipline and patience though.

To see how we do it go to:

The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting

What’s more. I have a full chapter on helping children love reading in “The Nonconformist’s Guide to Parenting” too.