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Are we listening to our kids?
Written by Abel Cheng   
Wednesday, 31 October 2007

“I don’t want to go to library.”

That was the reply I received when I asked my daughter about our plan to a local library.

I was shocked to hear the answer as J was totally enjoying herself in the last trip.

As a natural response, after getting such an unexpected reply from her, I was planning to give her a list of 101 reasons why libraries were good and she should change her mind.

Fortunately, I didn’t. Instead, I probed further.

Me: “Why did you say that?”

J: “The library is cold. I don’t like it.”

Me: “If that is the case, let us see what we can do about it. What about you bring a sweater there? If you feel cold, you put on the sweater. It will keep you warm in the library.”

J:
*smiling as she nodded her head*

Even though it was a short conversation but it’s crucial enough for me to realize that I should not jump into a conclusion too fast. I thought J didn’t like libraries because of other reasons. And apparently it was not the case. It was due to another reason – the temperature – a reason that never crossed my mind.

Making assumptions on what our kids think is a stumbling block to parent-child communication.

I was happy I was patient enough not to give her a lecture before finding out the real reason behind it. And as my wife and I expected, the trip to the library that day was awesome. And J brought home some fantastic books that she now reads every night, religiously.

For more Works for Me tips, head over to Shannon’s Rocks in My Dryer.

See also...

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk: A Review & Mind Map

Comments (2)add comment

Melitsa said:

  Asking sometimes winds up with a conversation to no where with my 4 year old but we try it :)I find humor works well too.
2007-10-31 16:24:07 | url

Abel said:

  Yep it happens to me too. When this happens, I will stop asking my daughter and assure her that she can always tell me later when she's ready. This reduces the need to defend herself and she's more willing to share when the time comes.

Agreed, humor does work, on the same basis.
2007-10-31 18:11:44 | url

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