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Is my daughter lying to me?

Written by Abel Cheng

Wednesday, 07 February 2007

My 4-year old daughter told me that she was caned by her babysitter for indiscipline last night. Of course, as a parent, I was worried about what she told me.

In order to make sure that my daughter said the right thing, I "queried" my babysitter about my daughter's behavior this morning.

Everything my daughter told me was true except one thing: the caning. My babysitter admitted that she beat her but not with cane. Just mildly beat with her bare hands.

Now, which one is telling the truth? It's kind of hard to tell. I am not saying my daughter is lying. But sometimes, what our child tells us might not be the true picture. It's not intentional, perhaps. They are just mixing up things or forget to tell you the whole thing.

At the end, I still have faith in my daughter that she's going to learn to communicate without any "missing" point one day. And I also hope that my daughter is not telling lies intentionally last night.

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SK Quah said:

Children especially around 4 years old, are very hyperactive. And most of the times get to the nerves of the parents, what more the babysitter.

Not suprise if the babysitter had use the cane on the child.

That's my 2 cents.

2007-02-08 23:57:20

Karl B said:

I know this is a year and a half old, but I wanted to respond just in case anyone else stumbled across this the way I did.

Four-year-olds can be prolific but not very proficient liars. They do it a lot but are not very good at it, and the reason they are not very good at it is because they lack the life experience to know what an adult would consider a plausible lie.

You are assuming your daughter is lying in order for the babysitter to get in trouble instead of her. In order for this lie to be desirable to your child, she would have to understand that you consider other forms of discipline to be okay, but not this one. I find it highly unlikely that this is the case, unless there are some special circumstances like a previous sitter being dismissed for that reason and the child knowing it. Kids that age generally believe adults can do whatever they want, and abused kids often don't connect their abuse with the reason they are separated from their abuser, and often even consider it to be their own fault.

On the other hand, a beating like that should leave a mark. You're right about kids often getting things mixed up in their mind. In my opinion however, it's best to remove all doubt. That is one of several reasons it is illegal in my state for me to spank my foster children. You don't want to be continually guessing whether your sitter has crossed that sometimes thin line between discipline and abuse. The best thing to do is prohibit any capital punishment by your sitter, whether you agree with it or not for yourself.

2008-08-30 00:41:12

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SK Quah said:

Karl B said:

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