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Should you get married?

Written by Administrator

Wednesday, 21 March 2007

If you're going to be a parent but you are not married yet, what will you do? To marry or not to? I believe it depends on the individuals. But based on what I observe, men usually don't see the need to get married, just like this man said, "I don't really see the point." But it's a totally different point of view for women. After all, men and women are from different planets...

What about you?

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Anonymous said:

To marry or not to marry?? That is the question.

Been there, done that.

Very early in our relationship we knew that we were meant for each other. Within six months we were talking marriage - just talking, mind you, there was not yet any official planning (meaning I didn't have a ring on my finger yet).

When presented with the opportunity to purchase a house for a very fair price, we jumped right in! We were, after all, getting married sometime in the not so distant future. One week before closing on the house we figured out I was pregnant. The question was never "Should we get married?". Instead we asked "WHEN should we get married?" - before or after the baby?? We decided on "before" and I proudly walked down the aisle six and a half months pregnant.

Shortly after our wedding I was dealt the devastating news that my mother had a very aggressive form of cancer and had mere weeks to live. I fell into a deep depression magnified tenfold when our son was born. The joy I should have felt was overshadowed with the sad realization that my mother would never know her first born grandchild.

Long story short - the marriage went south. We toughed it out for several years, managing to add another child to the turmoil. A few years ago we admitted that we could not go on like we were. The most difficult part was hearing my husband confess that he only married me because I was pregnant! We seperated and were on a fast course to a very nasty divorce.

A funny thing happened during our seperation - we started to communicate again. He stopped blaming our lousy marriage on my depression and I stopped trying to convince myself that I was depressed because I was in a lousy marriage - after all, greiving and post-partum depression can't last 8 years, can it? He also confessed that he lied about marrying me just because of the baby. He was angry that our marriage didn't turn out the way he thought it would. Using the baby as an excuse took the burden of "a bad decision" off of his shoulders

Were are still together - much happier than we've ever been, but we still have long road ahead of us. Has it been a long, hard journey?? YES! Do I wish we could have gotten to this point without all the drama?? ABSOLUTELY! Bottom line -- would we still be together if we were not married? Definately NOT!

If you are pregnant or have a child together and decide to get married, don't EVER say you did it because of the baby!! Not only is it devastating for the spouse to hear, it could also cause the child to feel responsible for any problems in the marriage - if he/she were never born, there wouldn't be any unhappiness. And yes, I know this from experience.

2007-03-21 20:14:29

wonderdad said:

Wow, that must be very hard for you. It's not easy to have so many things happened at the same time: baby, sick mother, depression, and not forgetting your husband.

But at the end, you came out of it stronger than ever.

A piece of good advice though. All the best.

2007-03-21 20:49:43

Janice said:

Hello anonymous .. Thanks for sharing your experience. You definitely learnt it in a hard way. All the best to you and your family!!

2007-03-21 20:55:17

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