Home  Blog by Parents Parents and Parenting Blog Journals, thoughts, opinions, experiences of parents from around the world.
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Health and Fitness
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Written by Leo Babauta
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Wednesday, 23 May 2007 |
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A year and a half ago this week, after repeated attempts and repeated failures, I quit smoking. I did it for a number of reasons, but foremost in my mind was the health and happiness of my children.
As the father of six kids, I knew that the chances were good that if I kept smoking, they would smoke too. And live unhealthy lives and die young.
That's a harsh reality, but it's proven by the stats. And that kind of motivation will drive a dad to overcome the killer urges to have just one toke, to relieve stress, "because it won't really hurt to smoke just one time."
But it does. Because one time leads to two, and that leads to failure. As I'd seen so many times in my past (unsuccessful) quits. And my kids deserve better.
The Guilt Again, I have six kids, and I work two jobs. There's a fair amount of stress in my job. So smoking was a crutch -- a way for me to handle the high levels of stress without actually dealing with it. Tough meeting? Go out and smoke. Just barely met deadline? Have a cig. Kids driving me crazy? I'll just step outside for a few minutes.
But every time I smoked around my kids, I felt guilty. I would go around the corner to smoke, pretending to myself that the kids didn't know and couldn't see and wouldn't model their behavior after mine. That, of course, caused further guilt -- I was living a lie, deceiving my kids to get my fix. And I knew. I knew that they knew, despite my two-facedness.
How I Quit I quit probably 7-8 times, unsuccessfully, before my last quit. Mostly I tried going cold turkey, thinking every time that I had the willpower, but in the end, it failed because I would ask myself: "What am I doing this for? Why should I suffer when I enjoy it so much?"
And that was the heart of the matter: it was pleasurable, and I really had no reason to give up that pleasure and suffer instead. I needed me some pretty strong motivation.
So I found a solution: I made a promise, to my wife and my daughter, that I would quit. I told them that I might try and fail, but that I wouldn't ever give up until I succeeded -- even if it took 50 quits before it stuck.
That promise worked. Every time I wanted to smoke, I would think of that promise, and how I didn't want to look like a failure in the eyes of my wife and daughter.
There were, of course, other reasons behind my quit -- my health, the expense of it all (I've saved more than $2,000 by quitting), and the self-esteem issue of letting this addiction control my life, to name a few. But the promise was the most powerful.
It took more than the promise. I attacked this addiction with a bunch of different weapons and strategies. Some of the best that worked for me: - Online forum. I joined a forum, introduced myself, asked questions, became a part of a community of people going through the same horrible experience (and many of them making it). It was inspirational, and motivational, as I wanted to prove to them that I could do it too. Make a rule: before you take a toke, post to the forum. It helped tremendously.
- Let it pass. When you get an urge, ride it out. It will pass. Just give yourself a few minutes. Make yourself busy. Do whatever you can to distract yourself until the urge passes.
- Deep breaths, water, healthy snacks: Some of the best ways of getting through an urge. Take some deep breaths. Drink a glass of water. Eat some frozen grapes. Give yourself a massage to relieve stress.
- Exercise: Stress relief, of course, is the biggest reason people smoke. You need to find an alternate stress reliever. For me, it was running. I wasn't good at running at first (especially with my smoker's lungs), but I just did it a little at a time. By the end of one year, I ran a marathon.
Multiple strategies work best. Most of all, tell yourself, Not One Puff Ever (NOPE) -- because one will definitely lead to relapse, whatever your brain tries to tell you.
I quit, and it was one of the best things I ever did. I think I made a major step towards improving my kids' lives. And as a bonus, the success of quitting led to many other positive changes in my life: I became a runner, and now a triathlete; I became a vegan; I got a second job and doubled my income; I began to pay off my debt and saving; I became organized and productive; and now I've started a fairly successful blog that has really taken off, talking about all of these things I've learned along the way.
Ed. Note: Leo Babauta writes about simple productivity at Zen Habits. It's our sincere hope that Leo's story will encourage more parents to quit smoking for the love of their children.
Related News:
'Healthy' Children With Smoking Parents Aren't Really So Healthy |
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Child Safety - Resource List |
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Home Organization and Safety
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Written by Alexis
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Tuesday, 22 May 2007 |
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I think child safety is important and I want to share this with you. I read first about it from Monica Zech. Here it is, an extensive resource list on child safety. Please take some time to go through it, one at a time. You'll soon realize how little you know about child safety! |
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When your child is disabled... |
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Special Child
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Monday, 21 May 2007 |
What would you do if you had a child with disability?
Would you isolate your child from his friends? Would you feel ashamed of your child? Would you tell your child that he’s lacking in something?
Or would you rather treat him as a normal person? Give him the same treatment as what you would do to a normal person?
It’s important for parents to educate disabled children not to be looked down by others by teaching them disability doesn’t equal lack. They can become anything they want.
Want proof? Here’s how a man without limbs but one hand became a lawyer. But he had to go through more than a normal person had to before he becomes what he is today because of prejudice.
We all have disability. Some visible. Some not. Then why the heck that we have ignorance on physically challenged persons?
But I digress.
In my humble opinion, here is what you can do if your child had disability:
1) Teach them to accept their co-called disability (as I said, who doesn’t have one?)
2) Teach them how to handle teases from friends while maintaining their self-esteem.
3) Reassure them you love and you're proud of them for who they are, from time to time.
4) Give them ample space to grow, don’t overprotect them.
5) Look for help (medical or otherwise) to reduce their disability, if possible.
6) Help them develop their talents.
Ironically, these are the very same things that parents should do even to normal kids. Don’t you agree? |
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How to dispose of diapers? |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Friday, 18 May 2007 |
No I’m not talking about a new technology of getting rid of diapers. In contrast, it’s a very old-fashioned way.
Just this morning, after my son woke up, as usual, I will have to change his diaper before sending him to the babysitter. I just chucked aside the used nappy and put on a new one for him.
He pointed to the diaper on the floor and mumbled something a one-year-old would do. Since I ignored him, without any delay, he quickly stood up and picked up the diaper from the floor.
I thought he wanted to play with it. I tried to stop him. Even before I could do that, he already walked away to the back of the house in the kitchen. And came back empty handed.
I was curious what he did to the diaper. He must be throwing it somewhere. After I did some CSI-type investigation, I found out that the diaper ended up in the dustbin.
I was not convinced. Maybe the one in the dustbin was not the one we had just changed. I looked around the area hoping to find another one.
It was a futile search and how wrong could I be! Sure enough, the diaper in the dustbin was INDEED the one that my son picked up from the floor. And he helped me dispose of – nicely and quickly.
It was a surprise to me indeed. God knows how fast a child learns. He learns that a used diaper needs to be thrown away (in his naïve mind: put it into a dustbin) by seeing what we do. Amazing, huh?
Well as I said at the beginning, that’s my new found, good old way of getting rid of diapers. |
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Misc
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Written by Administrator
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Thursday, 17 May 2007 |
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Abel Cheng, founder of Parent Wonder, was interviewed and featured in a national newspaper, The Star. He shared why he started the parenting website, what he wanted to achieve from the website, and his parenting philosophy. |
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Too young for potty training? |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Wednesday, 16 May 2007 |
When is the right time to potty train your toddler? Some say two. And some say later for boys.
This is not the case for my son who is only one year old. We discovered this by surprise.
One night, he stood still and made funny faces and I immediately knew that he was going to “poo-poo”, like he always does based on his expressions.
I asked him, “Poo-poo?”
My little toddler pointed to the back of the home which he never did before. I couldn’t figure it out and so I thought it meant nothing. After a few attempts of pointing which drew no action on my part, he decided to take action himself.
He wobbled along to the back and he was heading to the direction of a potty. And goodness me, the next thing I knew was he was sitting on the potty already. Of course, with his nappy still on.
Only then did I realize the pointing he made earlier was an instruction for me to bring potty to him because he wanted to “poo-poo.”
My wife and I, surprise aside, were rolling on the floor laughing looking at the act.
Now our son knows how to link poo-poo to a potty. Thanks to his elder sister who sometimes still uses potty for her “business.” After observing what his sister does, he decides to follow suit. This is a stage where toddlers do what they do by imitating adults. Monkey see monkey do.
So what’s the hint? It’s a good sign for us to start potty training on him. I know it’s still too early but we will do it based on his pace. No hurry. |
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Happy Mother's Day from Parent Wonder |
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Misc
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Written by Administrator
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Sunday, 13 May 2007 |
We, everyone at Parent Wonder, would like to pay tribute to all the mothers.
Happy Mother's Day!!
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The ever "instructive" toddler |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Thursday, 10 May 2007 |
The sound of "eh eh eh" and pointing finger have become a very handy communication tool for my one year old son lately.
The tool is used whenever he wants YOU to:
1) carry him to go somewhere when he's lazy to walk himself
2) pick up something (a toy, a spoon, etc) for him
3) feed him water
4) feed him by pointing to the food (I can't pinpoint what food he hates, he eats almost everything)
5) wear shoes for him when he sees someone heads for the door
6) get a book for him to "read"
Plus many many things more...
See I told you, it's a very useful tool. If you refuse to listen to his "instructions", you'll soon be served with a higher volume of "eh eh eh" followed by "ahh ahhhh ahhhhhh."
My wife and I just wonder how soon he will be able to say single syllable words and render this tool obsolete. |
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A crucial lesson from Paris Hilton's mother |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Wednesday, 09 May 2007 |
I admit I make the same mistake as Paris Hilton's mother did.
One day, when my daughter came home from her kindergarten, she told me she was hit by her classmate. You can’t blame me, as a natural respond, I was angry and I asked all the questions I could ever think of to find out more about the incident.
Who the culprit was? What’s his name? Was it serious? Did it cause bodily injuries?
And the mother load: Why on earth would someone do something like that to cause pain to my lovely daughter?
Guess what, my drilling drew nothing but silence from my daughter. And something dawned on me as an afterthought. I’ll tell you in a moment.
But before that, can you see what happened here? You can’t see. Let me tell you.
What I did was I only pointed the finger at the person who hit my daughter. I already made the judgment that my daughter is innocent.
I am not saying my daughter is at fault but we as parents always assume that our child is the victim before getting to the bottom of an incident.
In a similar account, this was what happened to Paris Hilton’s mother when a judge sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in county jail last Friday for violating her probation.
 This was the respond from her mother, Kathy Hilton, when a reporter asked what she thought of the judge's decision:
"What do you think? This is pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayer money with all this nonsense. This is a joke."
Kathy said this because it’s only natural for a mother to do everything that she could to protect her daughter – even though we know Paris has violated the law.
It was an “expected” answer. In all fairness, which mother would say that her child is wrong?
But what I realize now is that that is not always the right thing to do. Overly protecting a child would bring more harm than good to him (I know it’s not easy to do even for me).
Instead, what we should do, in our quest to protect our children from outside harm, is we must leave some space for them to grow - through personal experience.
As we all know personal experience is the best teacher. Let our children grow by allowing them have the chance to go through what they need to go through. Don’t rob of the opportunity for them to wise up by trying to protect them... or worse still you go through for them.
By encouraging our children to face a problem themselves, they would be able to tell convincingly what is good and what is bad. It’s better than a thousand times of lecture from a parent. The experience itself (including bad) is priceless and it helps them move forward in life more confidently.
And taking responsibility of one's own action is the key to succeed in life.
You may ask aren’t parents supposed to do something when our kids run into trouble? How can we just stand there and do nothing?
It’s a fair question. We parents only step in when our child raises a red flag and needs our help. Yes, we only interfere when requested. Of course, you have to educate them to approach you for help when things really get out of hand.
With that said, I am very positive that Paris Hilton will be able to survive in jail and come out as a wiser person if she’s the one who goes to jail, not her mom. |
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12 Awesome Ways to be a Great Dad |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Monday, 07 May 2007 |
Most people talk about how to be a good mom. It's kinda biased, isn't it? But what about dads? Being a dad is not a stroll in the park either. We have an important role to play in the family as well.
Fret not, dads, if you want to be a great dad, here are 12 tips on how to be one. I want you to pay special attention to #1: quit smoking.
I just don't understand this. If some parents know the danger of smoking by smoking outside the house, why can't they just quit smoking altogether? Do they think by smoking away (merely out of the house) will do justice to their kids who are passive smokers?
I might sound too harsh but get real smoking parents. Your kids run higher risks of getting smoke-related disease than you if you smoke near them. Which I think you don't want that to happen to your kids. |
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Want To Have Responsible Kids? |
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Parenting
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Written by Mark Brandenburg
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Monday, 07 May 2007 |
It’s a good idea to remember that when your kids misbehave, they do it for a reason: Not enough attention, tired, overwhelmed, etc. When you punish them, you usually increase the chances of misbehavior again, and create a child who’s “sneakier” about getting caught.
Instead, try natural consequences: If your kids don't pick up their room in a timely fashion at night, then there isn't time for their story that's read to them before bed. If your teenager doesn't get the car home on time, then they don't drive for a while.
The point is to connect the misbehavior with the consequence — the closer the better. If your son keeps forgetting his glove to go to baseball practice but you keep retrieving it for him, he'll keep forgetting it!
If as a natural consequence you let him deal with it on his own, he'll probably learn pretty fast to remember it. You'll create kids who learn from their own misbehavior and who take more responsibility for themselves. Isn't that what we really want for them?
(I know I’ll hear from the “punishment is good” group on this one, but you may want to save your emails — I’m not buying it!)
Ed. Note: Visit Mark's website at www.markbrandenburg.com and his ebooks and courses. |
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