Home  Blog by Parents Parents and Parenting Blog Journals, thoughts, opinions, experiences of parents from around the world.
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The biggest lessons I learned as a teen |
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Misc
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Wednesday, 20 June 2007 |
I didn’t plan to write this but Char’s Weary Parent Group Writing Project prompted me with the idea of writing something significant that I’ve learned when I was a teen.
Writing about this topic gives me the opportunity to look back and remind myself what I went through. So that I can appreciate more what I have now and refocus on what matters most.
My life as a teen was a turbulent one. Also, it was the lowest moment of my life. Nothing could be worse than that.
That happened when my father was ill. Mind you, it’s not a sickness that could be cured within days. My dad was lying in the bed for about a year.
Because of my dad being the breadwinner of the family, our income suddenly stopped. We could depend on our savings but with the meager salary my dad made, the funds were running low very fast. Imagine the life of no income for 12 months and my mom had 4 children to feed.
It’s not easy for the whole family. Being the eldest in the family, I had to work part time in a nearby factory after school. Not much but at least enough to help lessen my mom’s burden and cover my own expenses.
I was not as lucky as my friends who didn’t have to work like I did.
But I was fortunate in the sense that I learned the meaning of being tough in the face of adversity.
I learned the importance of money and the lack of it.
I learned the meaning of unconditional love when my mom chose to stay on even though she had a choice to abandon us.
I learned the meaning of perseverance no matter what happens. Every cloud has a silver lining.
I learned to appreciate what we already have and eliminate crave for what we don’t have.
I learned the fact that everything in life has ups and downs. One day you can be healthy. Other days you can be sick.
I learned the importance of being on your own feet. The world doesn’t owe you anything.
I must say it's not easy for me to go through this test of life while one's supposed to enjoy what a teen had to enjoy. But that's life.
That was like more than 20 years ago. People say you come out a tougher person after an adversity. You know what, it’s true. |
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The hidden force behind milk formula conspiracy |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Tuesday, 19 June 2007 |
It freaked me out when I read this. This is the second time I felt this on the same topic.
I can’t stand “conspiracies” that stop humans from being humans. Worse still, for their own benefits.
Let me explain.
We all know that breastfeeding is the best food for infants and babies. Taking from a dad like me, you may ask, “What the heck that you know about breastfeeding? You can’t even nurse!”
Well you don’t need to be a nursing mother to figure out breastfeeding is THE way to go. There’s no need to argue which is a better option: breastfmilk or formula.
Why? It shows in Mother Nature. Take a look at all mammals. What do baby mammals eat? Milk. From where? Their mothers.
And human beings are in the same class too! It’s only natural for humans to breastfeed their babies as other mammals do.
I used to think the decision to breastfeed lies in the hand of mothers. Because they are the one who does the “work.”
But how wrong was I to make such an assumption until I read this article about two weeks ago, and today’s article. Both by the same author George Monbiot. His writing is provocative and bold. And I like it so much!
For those who promote breastfeeding awareness, now they face a bigger challenge than just educating mothers or mothers to be to go the natural way.
There’s a bigger player here trying to convince mothers that some milk formula is "closer than ever to breastmilk". And they are willing to put behind chidlren’s health for the sake of raking more profits.
If you think it happens only in poor and developed countries, take a look at this statistics.
“In a recent survey of 16 European countries, the UK comes second to last, beating only Belgium. When our babies are six months old, just 21% receive any breastmilk, while in Norway the rate is 80%; 24% of British babies never taste breastmilk at all - in Norway it's 2%. Remember this next time someone tells you that the rate can't be increased because lots of women can't produce milk. The constraint is not biological but political. The Norwegian government has passed laws that make breastfeeding as easy as possible: all women are entitled to a year's maternity leave on 80% pay, and state employees are given special breastfeeding breaks.”
I like this phrase. Let me repeat once more here:
“Remember this next time someone tells you that the rate can't be increased because lots of women can't produce milk. The constraint is not biological but political.”
Sounds scary, huh?
No I have no intention at all to meddle in politics when I started this website as this website is for parents and about parenting. But who would have guessed politics has a hand in preventing the growing of breastfeeding community.
Okay, back to my point. What am I trying to arrive here?
For all mothers, do whatever it takes, for heaven’s sake, to breastfeed your baby as long as you can. Don’t listen to naysayers. Whether it’s your mother, your friend, or even the prime minister.
I know there are many problems you might face at work or at home when you breastfeed (as in everything else we do in life), but you can always get help from other nursing mothers. Don’t let excuses take over your children’s health.
My wife and I did not argue when we had our two babies. Both of us agreed breastmilk was the best for our babies even though I knew my wife would be the one who made more sacrifices than I did. What I could do was to provide support and encouragement. |
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Happy Belated Father's Day |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Monday, 18 June 2007 |
Better late than never.
I think it's better to pay tribute to all great dads out there on this special occasion with a song, or... rather a music video. It's more fun and engaging than a card. It says it all in this heart-warming video.
Click here to watch the video
Happy Father's Day!!!
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4 Things All Fathers Should Tell Their Children |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Thursday, 14 June 2007 |
Calling all fathers!
If you don't know what to say to your children, here are four things you can tell your kids. Coming from a non-father, Patrick Moore really knows what every child wants to hear from their parents and these are quite empowering. |
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What the World Eats |
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Misc
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Wednesday, 13 June 2007 |
As I was about to turn off the PC and prepare dinner, a blog post grabbed my attention. Thanks to Barbara Curtis for sharing this great photo essay by Time.
I can’t help but to share with you too. As Barbara said, read this with your kids.
What the World Eats
It’s so darn beautiful. Very educational. Go read it now!
Oh no, I need to go now to flex my muscles at the kitchen. Otherwise, my wife will be furious when she reaches home and the dinner is not served. |
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Weekend only activity |
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Fun Times
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Monday, 11 June 2007 |
It’s always good to sometimes break your routine.
What we normally do on weekends with children is the same as what most parents do: shopping. Sad but true, that’s the most favorite past time for family. Deep inside, I know this is not healthy for our kids. But I just can’t help it (or just another excuse?).
Okay at least I am trying to do something better. It just happened yesterday. And the idea came while talking to a friend the other day. Since the idea was so good, we both agreed and set it on Sunday.
I took my kids to a park. The idea is not something fantastically new but I am happy as I took the effort to change the routine and the kids just loved it!
This is the thing. When we decide what to do especially on weekends, we always make up our mind on things that we (read parents) like to do. We hardly think for the children. That’s why we always see kids tagging along parents involuntarily in the mall -- more than anything else.
Back to the story…
Since my friend and I decided to go to the park together, she brought along her kids. Apart from my kids got the chance to play in the park (most of the things there were new to them), they got the chance to meet and play with my friend’s children.
I believe this is an excellent opportunity for the kids as they learn to socialize, communicate, share and play among themselves. At least with someone other than the always familiar family members.
As for the parents, we can exchange parenting tips and latest gossips while we closely monitor our kids enjoying themselves in the playground. I got a tip on increasing the appetite in children – a.k.a picky eaters – and I will share with you once I tested it out.
During the trip, we still haven’t had the chance to enjoy the park to the fullest as my son was already worn out after a few rounds of walking and running. The place is good for him to perfect his walking skill as it’s carpeted. So we were not so worried if he ever fell down.
Another idea that we came out of the conversation is we should visit friends who are also parents more often. With this we can kill two birds with one stone. One is for the kids to know each other and play each other’s toys!
Second is for parents to catch up. Finding time to drop by and say hi to old friends is as rare as hen’s teeth because everybody is busy with their own lives. With this, this idea of visiting each other fits in naturally well in a cold-hearted society like ours.
In fact, the solution is simple. Reduce the time you spend in shopping malls and make more visits to your friends’ homes. And don’t forget the park too… |
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The effective way to say "no" to your toddler |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Thursday, 07 June 2007 |
When I had my first child, I used to take an approach that I am shy to tell when I said no to her. This is what happened.
When my daughter did something that she’s not supposed to, for example playing with a sharp object, drawers, or switches, I’d beat her hand mildly and say “no” to her, while trying to make a serious look at the same time.
My friend once told me if I do that the message that is getting across to a child is the RIGHT thing to do when someone does something WRONG is to beat or punish.
(Wasn’t that what our parents did to us?)
Now with my second son into toddlerhood, he’s more curious than anyone else. Touching and exploring seem to be in his job scope. But I approach this differently this time.
When he touches things that he’s not supposed to touch, I will tell him this is not something he can play with (of course, no violence involved but be firm). Alternatively, I will give him another option.
Take for example when he wants to grab the TV remote and land his little fingers on the buttons while I’m watching Desperate Housewives, I will tell him “no” and this is not a toy that he can play with. To teach him to differentiate, I’ll grab a soft toy and show him that he can play with that instead.
Did it work on the first time? Of course not. He cried as though he didn’t care what I said.
But after a few attempts of showing, telling and teaching him what he can grab and play, he seems to be getting the message recently. He doesn’t cry anymore when he doesn’t get what he wants except for some grumbling. But after that, he’ll forget what he wants in the first place.
It simply works. You don’t need to resort to beating (I mean mild) your child’s little hand to tell him “no.” A little diplomatic communication will do the trick.
Now why don’t you try it yourself? |
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50 Ways to Be Romantic on the Cheap |
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Marriage and Relationship
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Monday, 04 June 2007 |
We live in a busy world now. And we don't have time to think of ways to reinvigorate our marriage (Don't argue with me, this is very important if you want to celebrate your golden wedding anniversary).
I know you're lazy. Why not let others come up with cool ideas and you just take some and surprise your the other half. And take all the credits. If you think 10 or 20 ideas are not enough, what about 50? If you use one idea a week, it will last you a year!
Check this out, it's really cool: 50 Ways to Be Romantic on the Cheap
Notice the word "Cheap"? We want to be romantic but, at the same time, without spending too much, right? |
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World No Tobacco Day 2007 |
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Health and Fitness
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Written by Alexis
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Thursday, 31 May 2007 |
Today is World No Tobacco Day. A day created by World Health Organization in 1987. This year's theme is Smoke-Free Environments.
Some facts from WHO on smoking:
"Tobacco is the second major cause of death in the world. It is well known that half the people who smoke regularly today – about 650 million people – will eventually be killed by tobacco. Equally alarming is the fact that hundreds of thousands of people who have never smoked die each year from diseases caused by breathing second-hand tobacco smoke."
Sounds scary, right? But what has that got to do with us parents?
Well I want you smoking parents take note. If you smoke, some of the negative effects are:
1) your children will follow suit
2) as second hand smokers, your children's health is affected
3) of course, your health will be affected too
In conjunction with today's World No Tobacco Day, make a commitment to yourself to quit smoking. If you find it difficult to quit, check out a great blog post on how a dad has succeeded in quitting smoking. There's no excuse you can't do it. At least think of your children.
All the best. |
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How Our Children Really Learn |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Wednesday, 30 May 2007 |
I’m very skeptical when parents told me that their kids get smarter after listening to classical music or seeing some special flashcards.
Because there’s no proof that the stuff works. And I always feel that’s not the right way to teach our babies, toddlers or preschoolers.
To me, the best approach is to develop our children based on their talents, strengths and interests. How? By watching them play and do things and see what interests them.
What we can do as parents is to help them build from there. That’s why I’m against classroom style teaching which is too academic and generic. What the children need more is life skills that they can apply in real life not knowledge from the book.
There’s another reason why I write about this post. An article I just read prompted me to do so. And I can’t agree more with the authors. It’s so well written that I must share it with you.
When you read this article, word by word, you’ll realize that most of the things we learn about child development are so damn wrong (sorry for the language). Always misguided by unethical marketers of child development products.
Okay, let's talk about the article.
The main points of this article How Our Children Really Learn, written by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek and Roberta Golinkoff (authors of the book Einstein Never Used Flash Cards) can be summarized as:
1) There is no evidence, however, that particular educational programs, methods, or techniques are effective for brain development. For example, listening to Mozart is not bad for your child. That is, if you like Mozart, there is no harm in playing it and exposing your child to music. But you could just as well sing lullabies, play Simon and Garfunkel, the Indigo Girls, or any other band you like.
2) By taking the time to notice what your children are interested in, you can begin to see the environment in a whole new way, as a series of natural opportunities that are stimulating your children at all times. You can then build on these opportunities to make them even more enriching.
3) Move from memorizing to learning in context (I call this streetsmart). Memorizing does not do the trick and often is mistakenly thought to be true learning.
4) It's great to travel to exotic locations or expensive theme parks, but we don't have to go there to build brains. We can get a tremendous amount of stimulation in our own backyards.
If you’re serious about bringing the best out of your child, read this article in full. It’s simply too good to miss. I savored it to the last word as it's one of the best articles I've read in recent time. Before you invest in the latest brain development gizmos, think of what you can do with the pots in the kitchen and plants in your backyard. |
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When two kids become sick at the same time |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Wednesday, 30 May 2007 |
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Last Friday, my daughter’s kindergarten teacher called and told me that she had fever (hovering between 37 and 38 degrees Celsius). I said not again? What can I do other than quickly rushed to the kindergarten.
But when I used my palm to feel my daughter’s forehead, it’s not as bad as the teacher described. And it was a relief to me.
The story did not end here.
The following day, even though my daughter’s fever had subsided, she started to have cough. And my son didn’t want to miss out. He had fever too.
Confused? Let me recap. On Saturday, my daughter had cough and my son had fever.
On Sunday, both of them, besides what they had, had running nose.
The result? At night, my wife and I had to wake up whenever one of them woke up. The reasons could be either blocked nose or cough continuously (this might lead to vomiting in the case of my daughter).
Imagine cleaning up the bed when what you need most is SLEEP!
For my son, he can recover quite fast from illness. His fever gone after one day but the running nose stayed.
Fearing of ear infection (somebody told me if your child scratches his ears often, it might due to ear infection. But later, my pediatrician said it’s untrue), I brought him to see a pediatrician just in case. Fortunately, he’s cleared of ear infection.
Now both of them are feeling better and they could sleep well last night, giving back their parents the opportunity to get the much-needed sleep which they were deprived of since weekend.
It’s no joke when you have two kids who are ill at home. Both of them strive for attention and care. However, this is more apparent in my daughter (Is it due to gender difference?). As for my son, life still goes on and he still keeps exploring the surrounding like he’s a healthy boy.
Let’s pray that both of them will recover fast enough before the night dawns so that their parents can have a good zzzZZZZ. |
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