Home  Blog by Parents Parents and Parenting Blog Journals, thoughts, opinions, experiences of parents from around the world.
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The ever "instructive" toddler |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Thursday, 10 May 2007 |
The sound of "eh eh eh" and pointing finger have become a very handy communication tool for my one year old son lately.
The tool is used whenever he wants YOU to:
1) carry him to go somewhere when he's lazy to walk himself
2) pick up something (a toy, a spoon, etc) for him
3) feed him water
4) feed him by pointing to the food (I can't pinpoint what food he hates, he eats almost everything)
5) wear shoes for him when he sees someone heads for the door
6) get a book for him to "read"
Plus many many things more...
See I told you, it's a very useful tool. If you refuse to listen to his "instructions", you'll soon be served with a higher volume of "eh eh eh" followed by "ahh ahhhh ahhhhhh."
My wife and I just wonder how soon he will be able to say single syllable words and render this tool obsolete. |
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A crucial lesson from Paris Hilton's mother |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Wednesday, 09 May 2007 |
I admit I make the same mistake as Paris Hilton's mother did.
One day, when my daughter came home from her kindergarten, she told me she was hit by her classmate. You can’t blame me, as a natural respond, I was angry and I asked all the questions I could ever think of to find out more about the incident.
Who the culprit was? What’s his name? Was it serious? Did it cause bodily injuries?
And the mother load: Why on earth would someone do something like that to cause pain to my lovely daughter?
Guess what, my drilling drew nothing but silence from my daughter. And something dawned on me as an afterthought. I’ll tell you in a moment.
But before that, can you see what happened here? You can’t see. Let me tell you.
What I did was I only pointed the finger at the person who hit my daughter. I already made the judgment that my daughter is innocent.
I am not saying my daughter is at fault but we as parents always assume that our child is the victim before getting to the bottom of an incident.
In a similar account, this was what happened to Paris Hilton’s mother when a judge sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in county jail last Friday for violating her probation.
 This was the respond from her mother, Kathy Hilton, when a reporter asked what she thought of the judge's decision:
"What do you think? This is pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayer money with all this nonsense. This is a joke."
Kathy said this because it’s only natural for a mother to do everything that she could to protect her daughter – even though we know Paris has violated the law.
It was an “expected” answer. In all fairness, which mother would say that her child is wrong?
But what I realize now is that that is not always the right thing to do. Overly protecting a child would bring more harm than good to him (I know it’s not easy to do even for me).
Instead, what we should do, in our quest to protect our children from outside harm, is we must leave some space for them to grow - through personal experience.
As we all know personal experience is the best teacher. Let our children grow by allowing them have the chance to go through what they need to go through. Don’t rob of the opportunity for them to wise up by trying to protect them... or worse still you go through for them.
By encouraging our children to face a problem themselves, they would be able to tell convincingly what is good and what is bad. It’s better than a thousand times of lecture from a parent. The experience itself (including bad) is priceless and it helps them move forward in life more confidently.
And taking responsibility of one's own action is the key to succeed in life.
You may ask aren’t parents supposed to do something when our kids run into trouble? How can we just stand there and do nothing?
It’s a fair question. We parents only step in when our child raises a red flag and needs our help. Yes, we only interfere when requested. Of course, you have to educate them to approach you for help when things really get out of hand.
With that said, I am very positive that Paris Hilton will be able to survive in jail and come out as a wiser person if she’s the one who goes to jail, not her mom. |
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12 Awesome Ways to be a Great Dad |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Monday, 07 May 2007 |
Most people talk about how to be a good mom. It's kinda biased, isn't it? But what about dads? Being a dad is not a stroll in the park either. We have an important role to play in the family as well.
Fret not, dads, if you want to be a great dad, here are 12 tips on how to be one. I want you to pay special attention to #1: quit smoking.
I just don't understand this. If some parents know the danger of smoking by smoking outside the house, why can't they just quit smoking altogether? Do they think by smoking away (merely out of the house) will do justice to their kids who are passive smokers?
I might sound too harsh but get real smoking parents. Your kids run higher risks of getting smoke-related disease than you if you smoke near them. Which I think you don't want that to happen to your kids. |
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Want To Have Responsible Kids? |
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Parenting
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Written by Mark Brandenburg
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Monday, 07 May 2007 |
It’s a good idea to remember that when your kids misbehave, they do it for a reason: Not enough attention, tired, overwhelmed, etc. When you punish them, you usually increase the chances of misbehavior again, and create a child who’s “sneakier” about getting caught.
Instead, try natural consequences: If your kids don't pick up their room in a timely fashion at night, then there isn't time for their story that's read to them before bed. If your teenager doesn't get the car home on time, then they don't drive for a while.
The point is to connect the misbehavior with the consequence — the closer the better. If your son keeps forgetting his glove to go to baseball practice but you keep retrieving it for him, he'll keep forgetting it!
If as a natural consequence you let him deal with it on his own, he'll probably learn pretty fast to remember it. You'll create kids who learn from their own misbehavior and who take more responsibility for themselves. Isn't that what we really want for them?
(I know I’ll hear from the “punishment is good” group on this one, but you may want to save your emails — I’m not buying it!)
Ed. Note: Visit Mark's website at www.markbrandenburg.com and his ebooks and courses. |
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You're worth $138,095 stay at home moms |
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Misc
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Written by RosalindB
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Friday, 04 May 2007 |
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Many say stay at home mothers are useless and worthless. Not anymore. It's interesting to find out that how much a stay at home mother worth. Based on a report (released by Salary.com), stay at home moms worth a whopping $138,095! So stay at home moms, be proud of yourself and the sacrifice you made for the family. Salary.com has an online tool for moms to calculate how much a particular mom's work is worth. |
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Going to the beach with my children |
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Fun Times
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Thursday, 03 May 2007 |
We took advantage of the long break of May Day and Wesak Day to bring our kids to visit their grandparents. With a toddler and a preschooler tagging along, I must say that it wasn’t an easy trip, especially I had to drive up north for about 5 hours.
My son made a fuss and refused to be seated in car seat half way through the journey. My wife and I had to use all the tricks up our sleeve to keep the kids entertained throughout the journey.
Quite a challenge though...
Anyway the trip worth more than anything else as we brought our children to the beach the next day after we reached the destination: A second trip for my daughter and first for my son.
My daughter enjoyed the sun and fun very much. She played with her cousins that we brought along. From building whatever she could with sands to collecting sea shells of all shapes to running around the beach.
As for my son, he initially walked on the sandy beach for a few seconds. After a while, he realized something amiss (we couldn’t figure out what) and decided to stick to his mother and refused to come down and walk again on the beach no matter how hard we coaxed him. My wife had to carry him all along. After all, don't forget that this was his virgin beach trip.
The beach we went is a private beach and it’s only accessible to members. Our auntie brought us there.
It was an enjoyable trip and we ended with a dinner at the Club’s restaurant.
At the end of the trip, I asked my daughter, among all the things we did during this holiday, what activities she enjoyed the most.
Not surprisingly, she answered, “The beach!” |
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Will Attachment Parenting create overly attached children? |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Thursday, 03 May 2007 |
I asked this question to Angela White of Breasteeding123.com and she has prepared a wonderful answer on her blog. With her answer, I now feel more confident about AP. I like this part of the answer:
When children create a healthy attachment to their parents, they feel more confident and secure. With that self-assurance, children feel free to explore their world, becoming more independent because they know that they can return to the security of an attached and loving parent. |
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When do I buy new toys for my children? |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Friday, 27 April 2007 |
I am trying my best not to spoil my children with toys. Meaning I don't want them to think that whenever they want a toy, their daddy will nod his head and purchase it like a yesman.
Confession: It's not easy to do that. But most of the time, I will refrain myself from buying toys unless I think it's a good buy: a useful toy that has educational values at affordable price (value for money and cheap are two different species). Anyway, it's based on my own judgment and my wife's to decide what toys to buy.
Yesterday, we bought a tent for our kids. In fact, we thought of getting one some time back and we were thinking that the tent we used during our university days could be passed down to them. But the tent is only for outdoor use. That's why our children had no chance to "play" the tent until we bought it yesterday.
It's a very simple tent with an igloo-looking design. And it's easy to set up, it took me about 4 minutes to do so. We put it in the living room.
Then, it was the moment my wife and I were waiting for. The laughter from our children when the tent is ready for them. Immediately, the two little campers started moving toys and pillows into the tent. And they happily lied down in the tent as though they were in the forest. I "handycammed" the moment.
As for the video, it's always fun to watch, for us and for the kids. Tell you what, just watching the video is another great activity we can do together with kids. And you can hear another laughter, guaranteed, when they see themselves having fun on TV.
But I digress... back to the tent.
This was one of the rare moments for the two to play together without fighting... as sibling jealousy is still brewing in them at the time of writing. I hope that the newly purchased tent could bring them together and improve the bonding between the sister and brother.
Not sure what toys to buy for your child? Here's a list of bestsellers. |
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How Do You Tell Your Kids About Your Work? |
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Parenting
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Wednesday, 25 April 2007 |
If your child asks, "Why do you work, daddy?" How would you answer?
My daughter has not asked me this question... yet. But some of my friends have gone through this. One friend used to tell me that she had to say it with great care so that she didn't give the impression that she worked because of the money.
What about you? Having a tough time finding the best answer?
Maybe this could shed some light on you. There's a post on The Wall Street Journal about how you tell your kids about your work: do you tell them you do it out of fulfillment or just purely for the paycheck.
The post draws many comments from readers. But sadly, most of them don't enjoy what they are doing. But I like this comment the most:
"What’s wrong with being in a heavy metal band if that’s what makes you happy, you are not harming yourself or anyone else, and you can eat? I wish I had ignored my mom when she made me study engineering so that I would have a lucrative career. Yes, I make good money, drive a fancy car, and have the grad school education, but I’m miserable. All the material things that make up my lifestyle are there to compensate for the fact that I’m unhappy 15 hours a day. I honestly think that if I had followed my dreams when I was a teenager, I would be much happier. Broke yes , but happy. But since I’ve become so used to these luxuries in life, it’s too hard to go back. I don’t have any children, nor do I plan on having children, but for the ones in my life, I will always advise them to follow their dreams while they are young, energetic, and naive enough to believe in themselves. I would bet anything that their dreams will come true . . ."
I can't agree more with her. She speaks my mind. Ask yourself this: Do you want your child to come and tell you this one day?
I know I don't. |
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7 Crucial Parenting Mistakes to Avoid -- Made by Parenting Experts |
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Parenting
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Written by Administrator
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Wednesday, 25 April 2007 |
Want to know mistakes made by parenting experts?
It's always soothing to realize that parenting pros are sometimes making mistakes as we ordinary parents do. Nevertheless it's quite a thing to learn from them if they are willing to reveal to us what mistakes they have committed.
According to an article in Better Homes & Gardens magazine, there are seven parenting mistakes that we can learn from the experts themselves.
Ready for the ride? Here's the summary:
1) Find Your Temper -- Before You Lose It. It's not worth it at all to show your tantrum at your child. Curd this before it's too late.
2) Learn to Talk "The Talk". What NOT to tell your kids about sex. Even a child clinical psychologist made this mistake. Crucial information here, a must read.
3) Plan Around Her Personality -- Not Yours. We always make this mistake.
4) Avoid Becoming a Daddy Doormat. If you set a limit with your kids, you simply have to follow through.
5) Focus on Security -- Not Scare Tactics. Next time before you scare your child about bogeys or monsters under his bed, you'd better think again.
6) Get All the Facts First. It's only natural to defend your child but you shouldn't do it automatically.
7) Watch Your Mouth. Before your swear or say something negative, watch your mouth. Your child is learning from you.
Phew! What a ride. To read in full, click here. The site is slow and too many distractions, so be patient when you sift through. |
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An encounter with a breath holding spell |
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Health and Fitness
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Written by Abel Cheng
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Tuesday, 24 April 2007 |
“What spell?” You may ask. Sounds like a script from “Charmed” TV show. I admit I never heard of the term “breath-holding” until it happened to my toddler son last weekend.
There are many things that we DON’T know until it happens to us or someone close to us. Here’s one such case.
My son (slightly more than a year old) was having fever over the weekend. He was very temperamental. If you got into his way, you’d get it. He would cry his lungs out and even our neighbors ten doors away could hear.
However, this was the worst of all: He was playing with the TV remote while my daughter was watching. To prevent further disturbances, my wife took the remote away from him. That was it. That was all needed to trigger for his tantrum.
He cried very loudly until he lost his voice. Suddenly, my wife noticed that his face turned blue, followed by his lips. In no time, our son lost his consciousness and slept on my wife’s shoulder.
I was there and I observed the whole episode. We were panic like hell and it was so fast that we couldn’t do anything, if we ever knew what to do. I was relieved as I realized that his face was back to normal (pinkish) after 2-3 seconds duration. Then he went to sleep.
Was it frightening to uneducated parents like us? You bet.
Since this was the first time my wife and I saw this, we started an intellectual discussion about what had just happened. But that led to nowhere as we were clueless about this pass out incident. We were speculating could it be our son was too tired as he didn’t sleep well the night before, or could it be something else that we didn’t know.
To leave no stone unturned, my wife quickly called our pediatrician cousin to relate the matter to him.
After describing the incident, our cousin concluded that the incident was called “breath holding attack.” Fit or convulsion was excluded even though some of the descriptions fit into a fit.
Side note: MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia's definition of a breath holding spell is "A breath holding spell is an involuntary holding of the breath accompanied by loss of consciousness in response to a confrontational situation."
Some advised us to seek the help of a pediatrician for a face-to-face examination. Then so we did. We brought our son to a nearby clinic. Again, after listening to our description, the pediatrician said very confidently that the case is again classified as breath-holding attack.
The reconfirmation made us 50 bucks poorer. But at least my wife and I can sleep more soundly now as the pediatrician reassured us that there’s no cause for alarm and if it happens again, what we can do is to calm the child. Or prevent our son from getting upset or angry.
Oh boy, if you don’t know what breath-holding spell is and it happens to your child, I can bet that it will scare the hell out of you. When you child’s face turns blue, so does yours. That was what happened to us.
Thank god breath holding will disappear when a child enters age five. And it’s advisable to see a doctor if the spell happens for the first time to make sure it’s not convulsions. If it’s indeed a breath holding spell, check for anemia or iron deficiency.
Now that you know what the heck breath holding spells are, at least you know there’s no danger in the attack. So there should be no reason to panic anyway.
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