Comments for How to Manage a Toddler's Temper Tantrums at http://www.parentwonder.com , comment 0 to 9 out of 9 comments http://www.parentwonder.com Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:22:09 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/481/54/#pc_530 Hi there Just wanted to let u know about our new product just released and probably going to be 'product of the year' its called the The portable timeout circle for parents and care givers around the world check out our website www.timeoutcircle.com - hayley parfett Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:11:55 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/481/54/#pc_495 you provided usefull info - urgent Wed, 21 May 2008 20:38:02 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/481/54/#pc_448 There is a real trick to the choice thing though:Too many=overwhellemed=fit, too few=powerless=fit, just right=better behavior. I found it very effective to remove the child from the setting in which the fit occured especially if it is at someone elses house or out in public. We just went home. Pay attention to the behaviors you see that happen just before a fit. Mine tended to get whiny or gripey and pout then lose it. When I started to see that I would try to take action- distract with a story, leave the area, try to talk about the issue.For example they often would do fine at the store but fall apart at the check out, what was happening was they were hungry by that time so I started packing protein snacks for them=no more fits. Go back later when everything is calm and talk about what is the proper way to handle things or how to say what they need to say instead of the fit. - Katmaxx Thu, 06 Mar 2008 12:02:31 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/481/54/#pc_447 I want to comment on what Amyl is saying. We tend to give children too many choices in todays society. So if you are going to give choices do not make them open ended question like,"what do you want for lunch?" Make it a choice between 2 things. Too many things to choose from confuses them and makes it more likely to have tantrums. My oldest dd (5.5) has tantrums. When she doesn't get her way they get worse and will keep going for a long time. Recently, I have been ignoring, but also sending her to her room and having her write lines. it gives her something else to focus on and allows her to get control of herself. I send her to her room because her tantrums thrive on having people around her to annoy. She need to be alone. Here's a good book http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Young-Children-Systematic-Effective/dp/0785411895 also here is a website I like too. http://www.sharedventures.net/home/ You obviously know your child best. Keep working on it, don't give up you can do it! - Slawebb Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:16:42 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/481/54/#pc_419 I also have a two year old. I think I am quite fortunate because he doesn't have that many tantrums! Reading the other posts, there are some great ideas. My favourite is about giving them a choice. The terrible twos is the time where kids are developing their own personalities and will challenge absolutely everything. Giving them choices gives them a sense of individuality and control and, while you are only maybe giving them two choices and both choices will be something that you want, they of course will think that it was their own idea. I don't like to tell my kids off for things so when I do have to, they know I mean it! My toddler gets told twice to behave, then he gets a tap on the hand. If he's still misbehaving, he gets ignored until he calms down always knowing that he'll get a cuddle when he does. He also gets an explanation of what he's done and why it was wrong. - Becky Mon, 04 Feb 2008 17:00:32 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/481/54/#pc_418 You're exactly right, Abel. Giving in - especially to rude or frustrated demands - happens far too much. That's why I'm so enthusiastic about Love and Logic techniques. If you haven't read the one written for early childhood I strongly encourage it. There are many great strategies to try. The great thing about the choices is that I can divert the frustration and control the situation by giving control away. For example, let's say my child is throwing a tantrum about getting dressed in the morning. Many parents have this battle. Rather than argue about whether he's going to get dressed, I say "Are you going to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?" See, I'm assuming he's GOING to get dressed. I've offered 2 choices that I can live with. Child gets the dignity and power to choose a shirt color, he calms down and gets dressed, and everyone is happy. I'll be honest, it takes effort to learn the strategies. I've done best to work on one thing at a time. I'm confident it's made me a better parent though. - AmyL Sat, 02 Feb 2008 11:59:42 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/481/54/#pc_415 Well said and great tips, Karl and AmyL! I may want to try some ideas here (such as giving choices and be patient). But one thing for sure, parents give in too much to a child's requests. This doesn't solve the problem, it makes it worse. Because children would think that in order to get what they want, the way to go is to show frustration. - Abel Wed, 30 Jan 2008 12:06:42 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/481/54/#pc_414 I find that giving little ones choices as often as I can reduces tantrums considerably. (It's a Love and Logic technique.) I let them choose on everything I possibly can, even down to "do you want a hug or no hug?" at bedtime. Lunchtime: "do you want a peanut butter sandwich or a honey sandwich?" That sort of thing. It helps the child feel like they're in control of more, and I'm still framing things with my own structure and leadership. Then when situations arise where I need to be the one to make the decision, I can say "This time it's my turn to choose. You made all these other choices today. Thanks for understanding." I have used it and it works. Totally floored me the first time, but it really did work. In the meantime, my kids are practicing independence on my terms while making choices that I've framed in the first place. Win-win all around. - AmyL Wed, 30 Jan 2008 11:38:59 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/481/54/#pc_413 Ignoring the tantrum, teaching better behavior, and never giving in works for us, and we've had foster children who came to us described as having severe uncontrollable tantrums. I know parents who only give in as a last resort. That just teaches the child to hold out longer. Realize that even if you do everything right, it will still take a while before the child rarely has tantrums. Don't say, "I tried that, and it didn't work." Keep going. It will probably only take a few days before the tantrums are noticeably fewer, shorter, and less severe, and it will gradually get better from there. That's assuming they have ample opportunity to practice. Some parents go to extreme measures to prevent their children from dealing with disappointment, such as spelling out the names of things the child likes, never taking them shopping, or avoiding disciplining them for other misbehavior. I think that's a huge mistake. Kids need practice to learn the proper response to disappointment. If you avoid it, it will take longer to learn. It's silly to be afraid of your child's reaction. Whenever a parent spells something out in my presence, I refuse to go along, and I'll say the word out loud in my response. - Karl B. Tue, 29 Jan 2008 22:43:38 +0100