Comments for Fairness: Where did a 4-year-old learn that? at http://www.parentwonder.com , comment 0 to 5 out of 5 comments http://www.parentwonder.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 10:39:10 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/343/54/#pc_212 I have thought through what happened. Yes, I should first help Xavier to keep the toys before moving on to prepare for my son. I have 'measured' Xavier's action using 'adult's' measurement which led to the feelings of being manipulated. - speckypilot2 Fri, 31 Aug 2007 16:46:35 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/343/54/#pc_195 Xavier did this out of ignorance and convenience. I don't think it's as bad as you think. We have to teach kids the do's and don'ts. VEA has great advice there. Thanks. - Abel Fri, 24 Aug 2007 17:08:45 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/343/54/#pc_192 I have experianced the same with my 4yr old nephew and my 3yr old. Wat i would do is make sure i set the example first of clearing up the toys and then ask them to join me and if they refuse i will stop clearing up and tell them they cannot have what ever it was they wanted to do when they decided to stop playing the earlier toys. (eg: watch a movie, have ice cream, or playing with another toy. until they helped clearing up.) Once they are into it then i will leave it to them and tell them what i will be doing. eg: "Ok you guys finish up here while i start preparing the ice cream, or get the movie on, etc,.. By then they will understand and continue their task. but sometimes like most kids they get distracted so i will just keep reminding them that if they have not finished clearing up, then they cant get the ice cream, movie, other toy,... You should understand that all kids know about manipulation from infants that's how as babies, they get what they need. but kids do not use manipulation the way adults do they do it instinctively. Be cautious though of what message you give to him. From what you explained, he may have got the message that he was bullied into clearing up even though that was not what you intended. Just remember we are all human and we all need mistakes to grow and learn. Your nephew will learn soon with more loving guidance. - VEA Fri, 24 Aug 2007 11:03:24 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/343/54/#pc_189 Your wife is right. Where children are concerned, especially children that young, you should never attribute to manipulation and cunning that which can be explained by ignorance or immaturity. - Karl B Fri, 24 Aug 2007 00:18:21 +0100 http://www.parentwonder.com/content/view/343/54/#pc_188 I feel that Xavier is right to ask the question. You should be helping him to keep the toys together... In this way, you are also helping him to undersand team effort other than fairness. - Janice Thu, 23 Aug 2007 13:18:40 +0100