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Avoid Battles With Picky Eater |
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Written by Sylvia Rimm
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Q. My 4-year-old youngest daughter is a very picky eater. She won't try a food if she doesn't want to, which includes just about every vegetable, no matter how it is prepared. She'd rather go to bed early than eat even a bite of something I've prepared, and once she indeed did go to bed at 6 p.m. and stayed there. If I prepare a meal with several foods and she doesn't eat any of it, is it acceptable to allow her to have a healthy snack before bedtime or the next meal? If she asks, can she have yogurt an hour after a meal that she skipped? Should I be disciplining her with timeout or an early bedtime for not eating any of a meal? Do I insist she try at least one spoonful of everything offered, and how do I enforce this?
She has an appetite for candy, cookies and ice cream just about anytime, so it's clearly not an issue of her not being hungry. Help!
A. Many children are picky eaters, and as long as your family physician isn't concerned about her normal growth, you shouldn't worry too much. It's best not to make food into a battle, but it is your responsibility as a parent to teach and model healthy eating.
Serve your daughter small portions of the food you're serving the rest of the family. Ideally, that should include at least one food she likes. If she tries a little of each food, she may have her dessert. If not, she should skip dessert and wait for the next meal. A healthy snack before bedtime qualifies as a mini-meal, but yogurt or anything else an hour after a meal doesn't. If she prefers not to eat anything and would like to be excused from the table, that also works.
Four-year-olds don't sit for long periods of time, and there's not much sense in her collecting family attention with her pouting and complaining. The rest of the family can now enjoy the meal, and it would be good for her to hear casual positive comments from the rest of the family about how delicious the food is. Also, if she hears laughter and good conversation coming from the dining table, she'll be more likely to realize she's missing out on fun family togetherness.
She should definitely not be having any sweets if she's not eating healthy foods. Pediatrician Dr. Benjamin Gordon suggested offering her water instead of food if she prefers not to eat. If there's no battle, eventually her hunger will win out and she'll join you in eating healthy food. When it does, avoid commenting as though her eating is anything special, and gradually she'll eat more normally. If you praise her eating or bring attention to it, she may feel she's lost the food battle with you. Food itself and good company at the table should be enough to encourage her. Sometimes it's difficult to bring the youngest child into family conversation, and her food refusal could be the only way she can attract family attention.
Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. |
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The News
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Written by Administrator
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RARE BIRTH: The baby born with four legs in Polokwane on Thursday night and will undergo an operation to correct this rare condition.
Full report: Dispatch |
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15 Good Parenting Tips From Mark Borowski |
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Articles
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Written by PW Editorial Team
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I was intrigued when I first came to know about Mark Borowski. He seems to have the magic of combining two totally different topics together: poker and parenting, in his book Big Slick Daddy: Poker Strategies for Parenting Success.
Yes, he is a poker player. In this interview, however, we’re not going to talk about poker. We’re going to talk about fatherhood, parenting and raising happy kids instead.
Here are the 15 good parenting tips from Mark. Enjoy!
1. How do you come up with the idea of linking poker to parenting as what you did in your book "Big Slick Daddy: Poker Strategies for Parenting Success"?
I attended a writing workshop for the Wisconsin Professional Speakers Association in September 2004. The workshop facilitator had us do an exercise where we listed all of our hobbies and interests on one half of a sheet of paper and all of the phrases and ideas for our book topic on the other half of the paper. Since I listed poker as one of my hobbies I made the connection to parenting and began writing with poker as the metaphor for parenting.
2. Gambling is bad. What if your children had the tendency and interest to dabble in gambling, would you allow them?
If they were still actually children, no I would not allow it. If they were young adults, I would probably allow them to make their own decision. But by that time, we would have had many conversations about the negative affects of various addictions, so as to discourage gambling.
3. If there's only one thing, what would be the best gift you can give to your children?
Love! Show them and communicate your love to them as much as possible.
4. What's your parenting style (eg: authoritarian, permissive, etc)? Are you happy with your style?
I believe I am Authoritative, although I have not taken an assessment. Yes, I am happy with my style since it appears to be the most effective style. I can always improve my parenting but I am satisfied with my style.
5. What's the biggest problem you ever faced so far as a father and how did you overcome it?
My oldest daughter, Ashley, was diagnosed with diabetes at the tender age of 2 years-old. I overcame that obstacle by learning all I could about how to properly care for her. My wife and I also try to focus on the positive effects of the disease. For example, Ashley has learned discipline and self-control because she can't follow her impulses to eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants. She has also learned to eat healthy and on a regular schedule. There are other benefits too.
6. Apart from being an author, you do carry other roles like trainer, speaker, and poker player. How much time do you spend with your kids and how do you balance work and family out of your busy schedule?
I started my own training business 8 years ago so I could be home 2-3 days a week with my kids. So I balance work and family by having a flexible work schedule that revolves around my family. I'm the primary caregiver in our family so I am usually the one who makes meals, packs lunches, drops off and picks up kids from school or daycare, etc. But parenting is definitely a two person job and my wife does a lot of the parenting responsibilities too.
7. What do you think are the top three mistakes most parents make when it comes to raising kids?
They make the same mistakes their parents made because they don't consciously choose to change or improve how they were raised.
They don't set clear limits and boundaries and hold their kids accountable.
They don't spend enough time with them.
8. Every parent wants a happy, confident and successful kid. What's the best way to achieve this?
To have a confident and successful kid, a parent must consistently give feedback to him, especially positive feedback. A parent must also set limits on their behavior and have high (but realistic) expectations that they communicate to him. Build a child's self-esteem, don't tear it down.
9. Who is your role model in being a good father and what's the best thing you learned from him?
Honestly, I don't think I really have a father role model. My father was a role model to a certain degree, although growing up we didn't always have a close relationship. Probably the best thing I learned from him was the importance of discipline.
10. Every child has his own emotions and can be in bad mood once in a while. How to handle a child who is upset, misbehave and refuses to listen to you?
Giving a child a timeout often works. I also try to stay calm and talk to them, trying to find out what is wrong. If you consistently handle the same situation in the same way, I have found that eventually the child responds.
11. When is the right time to teach our kids about money and how?
It seems that kids start to learn about money when they are about 3-4 years old, which is a good time to teach them that they can not have everything they ask for in a store, etc. It helps to teach them that money is earned through work, which helps them to learn the value of something.
12. Should you reward your child when he does something good? If yes, how to do it right?
Yes, I believe rewards work well for the most part but they can be overdone. Praise and positive feedback can be rewarding enough for toddlers and sometimes for school-age children. Rewards such as money, candy, gifts/shopping, or special treats can be effective too but I would make sure they are appropriate for the behavior you are trying to reinforce and explain to your children that rewards are not given all the time.
13. What's the best activity that you do with your kids as a father?
The best activity is probably just playing with them - but playing what they want to play, not what I want to play. It's important to do what your kids enjoy doing and have a lot of fun doing it.
14. If your child wanted to be in a less than glamour profession (for example bus driver), would you encourage him to follow his passion or would you advise him to change course to a more glamorous and lucrative career?
I think one of the most important lessons to teach children is that they should follow their passions and be whatever they want to be. I would also help them by explaining the pros and cons of each choice but ultimately, it is their choice. As long as they are using their God-given talents to serve others, they have made a good choice, whatever it is.
15. What do you think is the best way to discover your child's innate talents?
Two ways come to mind: 1) Be sure to involve them in different activities to help them discover what their talents are. 2) Pay attention to your children so you learn what they enjoy or are good at and talk to them about these activities.
Mark Borowski is a husband of 10 years and a father of two great kids, Ashley and Olivia. He started his own training business, The Learning Interface, when his first daughter was born so he could be more of an at-home dad and put family first. He just released a parenting book for fathers titled, "Big Slick Daddy: Poker Strategies for Parenting Success." Learn more at his website, www.bigslickdaddy.com, or contact him at
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See also:
Interviews with other personalities and authors
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Study: Women Don't Talk More Than Guys |
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The News
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Written by Administrator
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Another stereotype - chatty gals and taciturn guys - bites the dust.
Turns out, when you actually count the words, there isn't much difference between the sexes when it comes to talking.
Full report: Forbes
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Tiger set to discover how being a father will impact his golf |
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The News
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Written by Administrator
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Tiger Woods and his rivals will discover how fatherhood affects the 12-time major champion when he tees off in Thursday's opening round of the inaugural six million-dollar PGA National.
In addition to being his first event since the birth of his daughter Sam Alexis last month, the showdown at Congressional Country Club is the first for Woods as host of his own PGA event, assembled on only four month's notice.
Source: espnstar |
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70 Toddler Games and Activities You Can Play and Do With Your Child |
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Written by PW Editorial Team
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Need more ideas to play with your child? You've come to the right place.
But first, why should you play with your child? Children learn through play. Parents bond with children through play. To achieve both, learning and bonding, parents must play with children.
When you play with your toddler or preschooler, it doesn’t need to be long. Some activities here only require 10-15 minutes. This is more than enough if you do it consistently. And also they don’t need to be expensive.
The bottom line is the activities must be fun and refreshing. When I see my child’s eyes sparkle when she plays, I know I have done the right thing and that is my reward.
Here are the 70 games and activities that you can do together with your child:
1) Shadow tag. On a sunny day or at night (with the help of streetlights), go to an open area. Chase around using shadows. Step on each other’s shadows. To make it more fun, try overlapping shadows to form a person with multiple hands. This will draw laughter from your toddlers.
2) Guessing game. Use your fingertip and write a number or alphabet on your child’s back. Ask him to guess what you’ve written. This is ticklish to some and they will laugh. But a fun way to learn numbers and alphabets.
3) Plant red bean trees. Use egg holder and cotton. Water everyday. This takes a longer time to follow through. You can teach your kids about plants and growth, and patience too!
4) Create a collage from newspaper and magazine clippings.
5) Go to playground.
6) Go picnic.
7) Watch TV. Not for too long, about 30 minutes on educational programs. Don’t leave them alone, watch with them. Take note what makes your kids tick.
8) Play jigsaw puzzle.
9) Play kite.
10) Play tug-of-war. You and your kid hold each end of a blanket (or children’s bolster) on a carpeted area. Take turns tumbling down.
11) Play simplified version of “Win, Lose or Draw.” Make a simple gesture and let your child guess what it is. For example, making a sandwich and eat it. Reverse roles.
12) Cycling.
13) Swimming.
14) Inner feelings. Before bed, ask your child, “What’s your happiest moment today?” Listen to the inner world of your child without interrupting.
15) Get a video camera and record what your kids are doing (both happy and sad moments). Watch the clips together. It’s fun to see their expressions seeing themselves on TV.
16) Online coloring. One good site is en.coloriage.com. This site offers a new drawing every day. Fun way to teach kids how to use a computer and a mouse.
17) Take a stroll in the park.
18) Playdough. Kids love to squeeze and playdough can be made into different shapes. Good for motor skills and creativity. You can buy playdough from a nearby toy store or you can make your own with these recipes. Or follow these pictorial instructions. Why not do it with your kids? It’s another activity in itself.
19) Play building blocks.
20) Play board games.
21) Prepare meals together.
22) Blow bubbles.
23) Bath play and bubble bath. Kids just love playing with water. Add in some bath toys. Be watchful and don’t let your kids unattended.
24) Go jungle trekking.
25) Go to waterfalls.
26) Build a castle. Materials: Styrofoam, toothpicks and Post-It notes. Great idea from Asha Dornfest.
27) Visit friends (who have kids) with your kids. Let your kids play and socialize.
28) Take a trip to the zoo.
29) Go to underwater aquarium.
30) Go to a beach. Swimming, make sand castles, collecting sea shells.
31) Go to a petting zoo.
32) Collect stamps. Let your child cut out the stamps by himself (make sure you supervise and use a pair of safety scissors) and separate stamps from envelope by soaking in the water. Dry them. Put them in the album.
33) Mirror fun. Stand still in front of a mirror. Use an erasable marker pen to draw funny features on your child’s reflections.
34) Play with magnifying glass. Burn a dried leaf, check out fine print in newspaper, leaves, insects.
35) Bring your child a bookstore or library nearby that has story telling sessions.
36) Basketball. Use a soft rubber ball and a wastebasket as the basket.
37) Sing together.
38) Dance to the tunes of children’s rhymes.
39) Play domino. Let the chain reaction amaze the children. We use Jenga blocks.
40) Read newspaper together. Kids like pictures and cartoons.
41) Make facial expressions. Sad, happy, angry, neutral. Ask your child to guess the feelings based on expressions.
42) Origami or paper folding. Origami helps kids to learn sequencing, concentration, and attain great sense of achievement. Try these projects.
43) Art with sponge. Cut sponge into different shapes. Put color onto them and stamp on a piece of drawing paper to form interesting patterns. Voila another artpiece for your fridge.
44) Go to a pet shop.
45) Play horsey.
46) Bicycle movement. Lie down on your back together with your kids. Your legs in the air and feet touching each other. Make pedal movement.
47) Play with balloons.
48) Wash car together.
49) Make a card for their teacher.
50) When shopping, ask your kids to help locate things you want to buy.
51) While on the move, ask your kids to read out the plate number of a car next to you.
52) Bring your kids to a clay modeling class.
53) Go to an orchard.
54) Bring your kids to a museum.
55) Make animal sounds and let your kids guess.
56) Make handprints and footprints of your kids.
57) Make a necklace or bracelet by cutting a straw into smaller pieces. And string them together with a string.
58) Mix different buttons/beans together and ask your kids to sort by shapes/colors. Adult supervision is required for younger children.
59) Record your child singing and play back. First step to stardom.
60) Play sink or float. Ask your child to pick small water-proofed objects from his toy box, light and heavy. Place one object after another into a container full of water. Watch them as they float or sink.
61) Cut a cereal box into pieces and custom make a puzzle.
62) Tearing up paper from magazine, newspaper or brochure. Try different speed. My daughter asked for more when we did this the last time.
63) Watch rain and teach your kids about nature.
64) Teach your kids about body parts using a picture or take an online quiz.
65) Communicate with your toddlers about his likes and dislikes (food, toys, animals, etc). Take turns to share yours as well.
66) Teach your kids how to tell time.
67) Explain to your kids how money works when you buy something.
68) Dress up stuffed animals or favorite cartoon characters.
69) Ask your toddler to go around the house and get things of certain color: green, red, blue.
70) Use a paper plate to make a mask by cutting out the eyes and nose. Draw features as you wish. Use a string or rubber band to tie around your child’s head.
Of course the list is not finite. But it’s a good place to start. Some activities you can do it after work. Some need more time, you have to do it on weekends. (See also: Toddler games that teach kids about science and nature) If you’re looking for more activity ideas, check out Rookie Moms. It’s updated with new activities regularly. Recommended Resource  The Ultimate Toddler Toys - Explore unique, traditional, non-electronic classic educational toys with truly developmental value, for children from 0 to 12 years. Next Step
If you enjoyed this article, can you help? Please Digg it or save it on Del.icio.us. It's an encouragement for me to write more good stuff for you in the future. Thanks. |
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Baby Born from Frozen Egg |
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The News
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Written by Administrator
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The first baby created from an egg that had been matured in the laboratory, frozen, thawed and then fertilized, was born in Canada, scientists announced today.
The baby girl marks the first in what the scientists hope will be a viable option for women who become infertile due to certain types of cancer or polycystic ovary conditions in which liquid-filled sacs called cysts accumulate on the ovaries.
Source: LiveScience |
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Potty Training Your Preschooler |
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Articles
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Written by Ruth Liew
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Question: My son is soon to be four years old. I want to send him to a kindergarten programme but I find it difficult to do so because he has a problem with toilet training.
He does not like to sit on the potty for his bowel movement. I am worried that this may cause him much embarrassment at the kindergarten.
He has been toilet-trained but he started to soil his pants again recently. I do not want to force him to sit on the potty. He had constipation for days after I made him use the potty. He felt really awkward and uncomfortable.
So, now I tell him in a gentle manner to sit on the potty by himself and call for my help when he is done. It worked until recently. How should I handle this?
Answer: Just when you think your child is going to be completely toilet-trained, the process suddenly halts. Your child refuses to sit on the potty. Many children around this age will undergo similar situation when they are around preschool age. It may be due to stress or struggles in parent-child relationship.
Some children may regress in their toilet-learning when there is a new sibling or they are making the transition to school. You must find out the cause of your child’s anxiety. In your case, it does sound like your son seems a little worried with your plans for him to start kindergarten.
As children grow and develop, they feel excited about their new skills but at the same time, they can feel insecure about the changes. While they are eager to please their parents, they also want to have their own way. They feel powerful yet they still cling on to some of their babyish behaviour. This is not the time for too much pushing and forcing.
If you are bossy and demanding with your child at this stage, you will contribute to his toileting problems. To help him overcome this dilemma, you must start by recognizing your child’s needs to do what he can do at his own pace. To get him back on track with the toilet-learning process, you must be patient with him. It is in his time and not yours.
Motivate him with positive reinforcements such as praises and small rewards when he succeeds in using the potty to do his bowel business. If he should have an accident, do not scold or make a fuss over the issue. Once he is confident and in control of things, he will be ready to go to kindergarten.
Ruth Liew is an expert in early childhood education, child development, parenting, and child care. She is also an author and a columnist. |
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Key to a Good Marriage? Share Housework. |
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The News
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Written by Administrator
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The percentage of Americans who consider children "very important'' to a successful marriage has dropped sharply since 1990, and more now cite the sharing of household chores as pivotal, according to a sweeping new survey.
The Pew Research Center survey on marriage and parenting found that children had fallen to eighth out of nine on a list of factors that people associate with successful marriages - well behind "sharing household chores,'' "good housing,'' "adequate income,'' a "happy sexual relationship'' and "faithfulness.''
Full report: Guardian Unlimited |
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The Secret To Developing Your Child’s Genius And Talents |
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Articles
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Written by PW Editorial Team
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We’ve all seen Jo Frost, the Supernanny at work. If only we all had her tenacity, her enthusiasm and her motivation. She seems to identify the best and worst in children’s behavior and eliminate one while highlighting the other. Admirable indeed!
How to recognize your child’s talents
You can do that too; the key is in devoting concentrated, focused time on them in order to make that same identification. After all, Supernanny doesn’t spend a great deal of time with a new child, getting to know him or her. She waltzes in, hones in on the positive and negative and gets to work.
Every child is born with a set of talents and strengths that should be nurtured. To bring up a well-rounded child who approaches life with enthusiasm and a positive attitude, it’s your job to encourage those qualities. At least once a day, put down your cleaning products, leave the vacuum cleaner aside, turn the television off, stop chasing your tail and just watch.
Watch how your little one plays, how he interacts with other family members and how he carries himself. Listen to the words he uses, see how interested he is in reading, music, colors, animals, textures and any other element that seems to compel him.
How many times have you heard that a famous musical artist was performing for family members at age three? Best selling authors have often grown up writing prolifically, whether on napkins, the backs of greeting cards or even their hand. Scientists are likely to have had a great need to investigate the way things work or how they are made.
Keep expectations neutral
Still, just because you discover something that your child does more than other things, doesn’t mean he will be meant for a profession in a related field. What’s important is that you encourage the things that come naturally to him and this will lead to a desire for learning and an enjoyment of achievement.
So if your two-year old is conducting experiments with his mashed potatoes and peas and catapulting them into the air using a spoon, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to be a rocket scientist. It could mean, however, that he has a terrific sense of humor or a deep creativity, each that deserve to be fostered and encouraged at every opportunity. |
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Getting your child to try new foods |
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Blog Posted by Users
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Written by Abel Cheng
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The problem my wife and I face is our daughter always sticks to food that she's familiar with and likes. Whenever we have new food items, she always stays away without even trying.
And I realize many parents face the same problem. Fortunately, Dave of Daddy Daze has written an interesting post on this. It's not the usual "how to make your kids eat stuff" though.
He applies a psychological approach called "shaping." All in all, there are seven steps. Three of them are the prep work. The rest of the steps are when "shaping" is taking shape. The steps are...darn, why don't you hop over and read it. Dave has done a great job detailing how he successfully got the kids to enjoy salmon and brown rice:
7 steps to end mealtime battles forever
You'll see an example of what "shaping" is all about there. Don't worry, nothing technical. |
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Letter from a grieving mother |
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Blog Posted by Users
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Written by Rowena Yong
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Hi parent,
We lost our son Brandon on the 9th of Feb 2006. He died of asphyxia and during the care of a lady who operates a childcare centre in Jalan Changgai, Petaling Jaya (opposite of Assunta Girls Secondary School), Malaysia. We are deeply saddened by the death of our son within such a short time. He was a healthy boy, weighing 6kg and drinking 5oz at 2 1/2 mths. You may have read about it in the papers, Malay Mail, Harian Metro and most of the Chinese dailies.
Initial findings were that he choked on his own milk and by the time he was sent to the hospital, he already died. At first we did not want to allow an autopsy, because we couldn’t bear to see our child being “cut-up” but after discussing it with family members, we agreed to it as we needed to know the actual cause of death. When the results were out, the doctors concluded that there was a lump of curdled milk impacted within the esophagus. How could this have happened, if proper care and first aid was given immediately??!! It soon, struck us that he could have been left alone after his feed and may not have been burped properly; therefore he may have vomited and choked on the back-flow of the milk. Till today, the babysitter has not said anything on the incident and we still do not know what actually happened. She only cries when we ask her for the details. Maybe she is too scared to respond or feels guilty; we will never know.
It is being investigated by the police now, as well as the Selangor Welfare Dept and MPPJ as initial findings by the Malay Mail was that the babysitter is operating without any form of license from the proper authorities. But so far there is no conclusion whatsoever. To the authorities, this is considered an accident and the case would just be like any other case to them. We were quite disappointed, because before we sent our child to her, she quoted so many proficiencies and skills in managing a child care centre and infants. That’s why we agreed to give it a try. Now we feel as if we were somewhat responsible for our child’s death by sending him there.
Ironically, this was only his 8th day at the babysitter's care. And suddenly, he is gone, just like that. It was very traumatic for me, as I was the first to arrive at the hospital. The scene plays over and over in my mind. Our pain and suffering is being shared by all who are around us and through this sharing we have learned to cope with the loss, although I still cry anytime of the day, at work, in my sleep, while driving etc. We searched for support through some local website for grieving mothers who in one way or another lost their child but, sadly, there weren’t many active sites and we had to turn to CBS (S’pore) and one site which were operated locally by Lillian Chan.
I hope to join other grieving mothers to share my feelings. I believe that it is easier to speak to someone who has had experience of losing a child as she would understand how I feel right now.
We decided that through the local media and the internet, we would be able to inform and educate those parents-to-be to be more prudent when it comes to selecting babysitter and child care centres. Do not just go for economical, locality and because someone says the babysitter is good. Through our plight, we generated some focus from the Ministry of Women, Family & Community Development to provide some form of guidance and regulations for these child services and to act on them if they flout the laws.
Here, I would like to thank those who have provided us with the care and support throughout our bereavement and with the grace of God, we will overcome this experience but never a day forgetting our beloved son Brandon.
In loving memory of Brandon Teh.
11th November 2005 - 9th February 2006.
“ You brought us Joy & Happiness,
A beloved Gift from the Lord above,
We will forever Love & Remember You,
United with the Lord….An Angel You are now”
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The News
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Written by Administrator
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All new parents know that their baby is special and unique, from the top of its bald head to the tips of its tiny toes. Now Stanford scientists have shown that this individuality extends even to the bacteria that colonize the baby's insides.
By sampling a year's worth of diapers from fourteen different babies — yes, that was somebody's job — researchers in the labs of Dr. Patrick Brown and Dr. David Relman mapped out histories for each child, telling which bacteria were present, and when, starting from the day they were born.
Source: latimes.com |
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14 Divorce Tips from Stacy Phillips |
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Articles
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Written by PW Editorial Team
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California divorce attorney, Stacy Phillips, shares in this exclusive interview with you on subjects like divorce mistakes, causes of divorce, children and divorce, finding the best attorney, fast divorce, and how to get a divorce without going to court.
Here are the 14 divorce tips from Stacy Phillips:
1. What are the top three biggest divorce mistakes most people make and how to avoid them?
• They don’t plan ahead financially.
• They don’t take the time to “shop” for the lawyer that is right for them, thus they can often go through two or three before they find the suitable match (costing them thousands of unnecessary dollars).
• They let their emotions overtake their business sense.
2. How to hire a divorce lawyer that suits my needs and budget?
Make sure you find an attorney that meets your requirements, i.e., one you can afford, but more importantly the “type” that suits you. For instance, do you want to turn your affairs over to someone and let them make your decisions for you? Do you want a “father” figure? Do you want someone you can form a “partnership” with—who can work with you in tandem to make decisions and handle your case? The appropriate choice for selecting an attorney is strictly a personal one. But, also, keep in mind that you need to “shop” in your price range.
3. How do you know enough is enough and you should proceed with a divorce?
When you can no longer function productively each day and after deep soul-searching to determine that there is no hope for reconciling or working out your differences.
4. What's the single top reason why most people divorce?
There is no single reason except that people find they have no more tolerance for the marital situation and that they are deeply unhappy. What leads to that, however, are usually reasons, that I call the “Big Six”. People typically divorce over issues in the following categories: Money/Property/Wealth; Loss of Love (Intimacy); the Children; Changes in Health (physical or mental); Growth (personal or professional); Fear (Physical/Emotional/Psychological).
5. Will the courts honor request not to allow divorce if citing religious reasons? Though every state is different, in California, a court may not refuse to grant a divorce on the grounds of religious differences. There are only a handful of reasons the court grants a divorce, irreconcilable differences chief among them.
6. Will the courts require counseling if one party requests it? In California, if both partners request counsel, The Court will provide it free of charge. In addition it is mandatory in California for partners to go through mediation on custody and visitation issues before said issues are heard by the Court.
7. If spouse gave 2 weeks notice to you that he was leaving because "he did not love you anymore", and moved out Nov 7, 2006, and in January started a relationship with a girl he supposedly just met and by March was already dating and sleeping over at her house, is that grounds for adultery since there is no legal divorce papers or neither of us has sought divorce papers? California is a “no-fault” state. In other words, it doesn’t matter whom you’re sleeping with or when (during or after the breakup). The court does not view this as “grounds” for divorce. This may be true in other states and it is best to confer with legal counsel in your respective state or call your attorney and ask the question: Is the state in which I’m seeking a divorce one that considers adultery reasonable grounds for divorce.
8. What's the best way to help children of parents who are getting divorced? Never, under any circumstances bash the one parent to the children, i.e., say bad things about them. Instead, try to work out your differences calmly and with the best interests of the children your primary concern. The children should not have to bear any more of a burden than they will already carry knowing their parents no longer want to be together. Also, be flexible with visitation and sharing custody. Children do much better when they see their parents giving way to the needs and wants of the kids.
9. How to go through a divorce without sacrificing your lifestyle and financial standing? Sometimes this is not possible. Two incomes provide more discretionary income and two incomes also provide for more upscale amenities such as residences, cars, personal belongings. One income now divided in two is hard to stretch. Make do with what you have and realize you hopefully have exchanged a brighter future and peace of mind for dollars and cents. That said, if you spouse makes considerably more than you do, you certainly have a right to augment your income by asking for reasonable spousal support as well as child support.
10. I know it's quite weird to ask this but how to legally save thousands on your divorce? Do your level best to stay out of court but don’t waste an exorbitant amount of time trying to settle. Also, don’t waste a lot of your attorney’s time because he or she has every right to bill you for time spent on your case. If your attorney asks you to do a task, do it properly and efficiently, e.g., getting your financial records in order. Make sure you also seek the help of a good therapist. Divorce becomes costly when two people opt to fight it out. The fight takes a good amount of time, energy and resources all the way around. Possible solutions include: mediation with your ex or collaborative or cooperative law approaches. Work toward settling all issues, if you can. I tell my clients never to go to court unless they are financially, emotionally and physically prepared for the battles that it involves. And, only if all else fails.
11. How to get through a divorce easier and faster? Keep your eye on the future. Seek counseling. Settle your financial and custody issues early on so you can move on. The sooner the ordeal is behind you, the sooner you can look to a brighter day.
12. How to fight for the custody of your children? Only engage in a fight when you think it is best for the child. Do not use the children, ever, as pawns to get back at your ex or keep the fight going. If you have a legitimate reason for seeking custody, such as child abuse, make sure you find an attorney who specializes in such cases.
13. Is it possible to get divorced without going to court? If yes, how? Yes. If you can agree to a settlement (and custody arrangements between the two of you if you have children), your attorney and your ex’s will take it from there. Papers will be drawn up, signed and filed.
14. What to do if a parent is a victim of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)? In my opinion, this label is overplayed and there are now many different theories on how to deal with this issue. One suggestion is to seek counseling from both a therapist and an attorney, who can help if you feel your child or children are alienating you. Keep in mind, that the courts want the children to have the benefit of both parents, so support of one another is important in the eyes of the court. The court does not look favorably upon one parent keeping the child from the other. If you are a victim, insist on counseling between you and your child and even your ex to work out your differences. If that fails, seek the help of a qualified attorney who will then advise you of your rights and remedies.
Stacy D. Phillips, is a certified family law specialist in Los Angeles and author of Divorce: It's All About Control--How To Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars (ExecuProv Press) and may be purchased at Amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and other major bookstores. |
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