“But they’re not yours!”

My wife bought a set of pajamas for my son, K. But my elder daughter, J, wanted them instead.

Put it crudely, it’s kind of like forced possession. The pajamas were hijacked when J said, “I want to wear the pajamas!!!”

The triple exclamations mark the unfriendly tone.

She continued, “The pajamas are too big for K. Let me wear them first until he’s big enough for them.”

If this happened some time last year, I’d have used my authority to lecture J by telling her this was not the right thing to do.

If required, screaming and yelling would be applied to a certain extent.

But, guess what, I am a different person now. My resolution is not to instill unpleasant and hostile feelings in my children – towards me.

Instead, my wife and I did the following.

• I hugged her and acknowledged her feelings:
  

• My wife explained to her that why she didn’t buy for her.
  

• It's time to come up with an agreement.
  

My friend, Leo Babauta, of Zen Habits and his gang (Collis and Cyan Ta’eed of FreelanceSwitch and FlashDen) are teaming up for a good cause.

  They are holding Blog Action Day. A day on which participating bloggers write about the same subject -- on October 15th.

The topic for this year is environment.

This is a great idea, indeed.

I have signed up.

And so have many other bloggers. Such as Lifehacker, Web Worker Daily, Lifehack.org, Dumb Little Man, ProBlogger, FreelanceSwitch, Get Rich Slowly, Copyblogger, The Simple Dollar, Scott Young, Chris Garrett, Unclutterer, Wise Bread, Life Learning Today, Natural Family Living, Chief Family Officer, A Mama's Rant, and many more.

For the latest list of participants, click here. And I urge you to follow suit by signing up.

A little effort makes a big difference. That's the power of teamwork and it's your opportunity to give back.

I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. "What should a 4 year old know?" she asked.

  Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL's to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn't. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights.

Childhood shouldn't be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

1. She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

2. He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn't feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.

3. She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.

4. He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he'll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

5. She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she's wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it's just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that-- way more worthy.

But more important, here's what parents need to know.

1. That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

2. That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

3. That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children "advantages" that we're giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

4. That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children's toys and they wouldn't be missed, but some things are important-- building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too-- to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it's absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

5. That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That's not okay! Our children don't need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US.

They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they're a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

And now back to those 4 year old skills lists.....

I know it's human nature to want to know how our children compare to others and to want to make sure we're doing all we can for them. Here is a list of what children are typically taught or should know by the end of each year of school, starting with preschool:
http://www.worldbook.com/wb/Students?curriculum

Since we homeschool, I occasionally print out the lists and check to see if there's anything glaringly absent in what my kids know. So far there hasn't been, but I get ideas sometimes for subjects to think up games about or books to check out from the library. Whether you homeschool or not, the lists can be useful to see what kids typically learn each year and can be reassuring that they really are doing fine.

If there are areas where it seems your child is lacking, realize that it's not an indication of failure for either you or your child. You just haven't happened to cover that. Kids will learn whatever they're exposed to, and the idea that they all need to know these 15 things at this precise age is rather silly. Still, if you want him to have those subjects covered then just work it into life and play with the subject and he'll naturally pick it up. Count to 60 when you're mixing a cake and he'll pick up his numbers. Get fun books from the library about space or the alphabet. Experiment with everything from backyard snow to celery stalks in food coloring. It'll all happen naturally, with much more fun and much less pressure.

My favorite advice about preschoolers is on this site though:
http://www.redshift.com/~bonajo/early.htm

What does a 4 year old need? Much less than we realize, and much more.

You can read more of Alicia Bayer’s other articles, poems, and crafts at Magical Childhood

Liked this article? Save it on Del.icio.us for future reference or Digg it.

See also:
70 Toddler Games and Activities You Can Play and Do With Your Child
The Secret To Developing Your Child’s Genius And Talents
What to Do When Your Child Brings Home Not So Good Grades?
Nurture Your Budding Little Capitalist
How to be a Good Father: An Interview with Mark Brandenburg
10 Ways to Help Your Child Connect With the Natural World

I might be wrong but I always have the feeling that in the virtual world, moms are more outspoken than dads. You always see more blogs and websites by moms than dads.

Anyway, I’m excited that there are more dads writing about being a better dad online nowadays.

Aaron is one of them. He writes "31 Days To Becoming A Better Dad" this month.

An easy to read daily nugget. You’re invited to participate in the discussion to share your thoughts too.

As of today, it’s in the 16th instalment.

Day 1 - Be Good To Your Child's Mom

Day 2 - Teach Your Kids Self-Esteem

Day 3 - Be Good To Yourself

Day 4 - Protect Your Children

Day 5 - Learn New Things

Day 6 - Be Their Biggest Fan

Day 7 - Always Be Supportive

Day 8 - Say No...In Moderation

Day 9 - Show Your Emotions

Day 10 - Spend Time With Your Children

Day 11 - Discipline With Love

Day 12 - Establish Routines

Day 13 - Learn From Your Childhood

Day 14 - Be Charitable

Day 15 - Encourage Your Kids To Follow Their Dreams

Day 16 - Put Your Children First

We always take things for granted. We only appreciate things when we lose them.

Before sleep, I always show my gratitude in silence for another day that is granted to me. I thank for the things that I have. Especially my wife and two kids, my health and wealth.

I do my best to focus on what I have rather than what I don’t have.

If you think you’re the worst person ever live on Earth, think again. There’s always something that you can feel grateful for. There’s always someone out there whose situation is worse than yours.

Seeing is believing.

Check out these photos and let me know if you don’t feel better off than them.

There are 10 of them:

Photo 1: Together, through Warm and Cold
Photo 2: Love
Photo 3: Grandpas’ Tears
Photo 4: Amidst Rain and Wind
Photo 5: Old Man Crying
Photo 6: Mothers’ Love
Photo 7: Coal Carrier
Photo 8: I want to go to school
Photo 9: Care for those forgotten
Photo 10: Spirit to live

There are two main schools of thought on affairs. One is that the marriage is over and the faithful partner should leave the infidel and move on. The other is that affairs sometimes happen for a significant reason and that it provides just what is needed to get the marriage back on track.

It’s too easy to judge the unfaithful partner. His or her infidelity could have been brought on by the spouse’s inability to provide a loving, nurturing environment or a lack of a sex life at all! Intimacy is hugely underestimated in some marriages and it can be inevitable that the suffering partner will seek it elsewhere.

Some affairs happen "by accident". A situation arises and a weak person can succumb to temptation without giving it due thought. Whether or not they report it to their spouse is another issue altogether and sometimes owning up to it might be worse than keeping it a secret.

Affairs should never be condoned but they can sometimes seem justifiable. The most important thing is for the couple to determine whether or not the affair is an irreparable blight on their marriage or if, over time, the shock can subside and it can be discussed reasonably together.

The faithful partner who was cheated on needs to re-evaluate his or her standpoint.

• Take time to grieve and to work through the spectrum of emotions that will hit.
• Ask whatever you need to know. There are some things you may not want to know but you do need to know if your sexual health or family security has been breached.
• Determine what it will take for you to regain trust in your spouse again.
• Come up with a revised set of goals, whether they are as a couple or for you as an individual.
• Seek the advice of an objective person such as a doctor, counselor or social worker. Talking to friends and family who can’t help but be emotionally involved will not be as useful.
• Attend counseling together so that you can work out if you can forge ahead and what it will take to do so.
  

My wife said, “We made a mistake. We shouldn’t have done this.”

And I agreed in silence.

This was the immediate response when our 18-month toddler made a fuss on the first and second nights we moved our children to our bedroom.

We came to realize that the previous bedroom was stuffy and the temperature was warmer. The bottom line is it was not well ventilated.

To make sure that our children have a better room (also for their health), my wife and I unanimously agreed to allow the two kids to share room with us.

My elder daughter was okay with the change. However it was a HUGE problem for our toddler son.

His routine was upset. He usually went up to the room smiling from ear to ear. For some reason, he was happy coming into the room. Maybe he could play and make some stunts on the mattress.

But somehow he could not do that in the “new” room. He was quite pissed off, to say the least, with the change. All the fun he used to have disappeared.

He pointed to his previous room and he was crying uncontrollably. It took at least two hours to calm him down before the rest of us got to sleep.

But I insisted the children to be in our room.

In the midst of shaking our heads in disbelief, I got an idea. I tried to make our room look like their previous room. What I did was to place an extra mattress on the floor, move some children’s books and toys over, and whatever we needed to simulate the previous room.

On the 3rd and 4th nights, so far so good. Fingers crossed. And our son looked forward to the room and he behaved like he used to (a.k.a normal and happy) when he was in the previous room.

Phew. What a relief!

Lesson learned?

Don’t disrupt a toddler’s routine for your own fancy (at least we’ve got a valid reason), especially a routine that he likes. Never ever change or remove it.

However, if you have no choice but to do it, do whatever it takes to make the changes unnoticed.

Just like what we did.

Now everyone can have a good night sleep… after a short battle.

This post is written specially for WFMW. For more tips, head on over to Shannon’s Rocks in My Dryer.

Debunking the old myth that a pregnant woman should "eat for two" , doctors now advise the expectant mothers to consume only 300 extra calories a day and gain no more than 35 pounds.

After it was found that obese mothers are gaining excessive weight during pregnancy, an influential U.S. medical panel is considering changes to the medical guidelines for how much weight a woman should gain during pregnancy.

The current recommendations for pregnant women of eating what you like and leading a sedentary life pose a danger to country's obesity epidemic and doctors now recommend at least 30 minutes of exercise five times a week if it's an uncomplicated pregnancy, and more if someone is used to exercising more.

Full report: AHN